The Spiral Clause
by the Zoshi
Summary: Updated 4 5 07 The Spiral Clause states that there are only two times in the spiral that its descent can be halted... Chapter 8 is up![Focuses on Kenny and Kyle][AU][May contain swearing, mature themes, psychological trauma]
1. Step One

Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: So yeah. Sometimes you just get an idea, and you run with it. This is one of those times.  
I'm sorry to say, I don't write 'normal' length chapters. Some are longer than others. Its just my way of writing, I guess. Once I get to a point that 'feels' like an end of a chapter, I end it. I don't like forcing myself to write a half-assed end to a chapter, and therefore, I don't like forcing you to read a half-assed ending.

I hope you enjoy. Its promising to be interesting, to me at least. XD

P.S.: The Spiral Clause is made up by me, and its based off of the way depression works in people. Yeah.

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

"_The Spiral Clause states that :_

_On the spiral descent, there are only two places where the spiral may be halted._

_The first comes at the beginning, while the spiral is still straighter than it is curved, before it gathers speed._

_When the spiral tightens, the fall becomes faster and during this time nothing can halt the descent._

_The second moment comes during a reprise; when the spiral tightens to its max, there comes a point where it straightens out for a brief period, right before it begins it final plunge into the oblivion of madness."_

Kenny was at a loss.

Someone was yelling downstairs, he noticed vaguely, and his sister was singing along with her radio to some ridiculous pop song. All of that was background noise, however, and his attention was focused on something more important at the moment.

He stood in the middle of his room, scratching idly at his wrist. Staring at the sniffling, sobbing lump under his covers, he bit his lip and grimaced slightly when the sobs grew louder for a moment. Glancing around his room helplessly, he cursed the fact that he knew so little in these types of matters. He looked back at the lump, crossing his arms nervously.

Slowly, carefully, he backtracked in his mind, searching for the Moment, the moment when It All Went Wrong…

Half an hour ago he had been standing in front of the convenience store with Cartman, Stan and Kyle. He and Cartman had been involved in a game of "Kick the Rock", only that their version of the game involved kicking almost anything, and, occasionally, anyone, in the vicinity that could be kicked. Seeing they were busy, Stan and Kyle decided to go into the store alone. Kyle had promised Kenny a chocolate donut, to which Kenny had replied "Sweet!"

He distinctly remembered saying it, because the moment after he did Cartman kicked an old discarded lighter. The lighter bounced off a fire hydrant, ricocheted off a light pole, and somehow managed to smack Kenny in the back of the head. Kenny had proceeded to curse at Cartman, who had been laughing so hard he had almost fallen over, and Stan and Kyle had entered the store.

After they got bored of swearing, Kenny and Cartman had settled down to wait for their friends to come back out. Well, Kenny had settled down to wait, even pulling out a cigarette to stick between his teeth, although he (for once in his life) didn't have anything to light it with. Cartman had proceeded to complain about how long it was taking Stan and Kyle to get back and that they should just ditch them and go play videogames at his house.

Cartman had just launched into his second tirade, this one promising both complaining about how long the two were gone and the fact that Kyle was a jew (Kenny hadn't seen the connection but he'd laughed anyway, it was plain hilarious) when the store door slammed open. Jumping from the shock, the two barely caught sight of Kyle as he took off running down the middle of the street with wild abandon, and, to Kenny's dismay, his promised chocolate donut.

Stan burst out a few seconds later, screaming so furiously that his words had become incomprehensible. Someone in the store was yelling for the 'stupid punks' to calm down; apparently whatever had happened had escalated in the store.

Cartmoon stood by, cheering on Stan and adding his own voice to the other boy's. He seemed thoroughly ecstatic with the turn of events, and even went so far as to hop in place while yelling after Kyle.

Kenny, on the other hand, after a moments hesitation, gritted his teeth around the cigarette in his mouth (he did only have two left after all) and took off after Kyle.

Now, there was much conflict in his mind at the time. Most of it was due to the fact that he had witnessed something that should not, in his mind, have happened.

Stan and Kyle were pissed off at each other.

The words "Stan and Kyle" and "pissed off at each other" didn't really belong in a sentence together.

His mind, attempting to deal with this unforeseen event, set itself on autopilot.

Therefore, Kenny could not be sure - could never be sure, really - just what exactly prompted him to go chasing after Kyle at that moment. It could have been that one of his oldest friends, whom he respected and, yes, occasionally even admired for his moral steadiness, had come running out of the store with the strangest look he had ever seen on his face.

Then again, it also could have been that said friend had gone dashing down the street with a chocolate donut that had been fated to end its confectionary life in Kenny's stomach. Not only that, but it seemed highly likely that that donut would have been his sole source of nourishment that day, considering his older brother had gone on a binge and cleaned out the meager contents of their fridge that morning.

Therefore, not really knowing what was driving him to it, Kenny chased Kyle all through the town, up and down streets and through both the park and the schoolyard. He caught up to him at Stark's Pond, where he'd dragged the growling and cursing boy back from its edge. Keeping a good hold on him, and suffering more than a few punches and kicks, he'd pulled Kyle back to his house. Once at his door, Kyle had shaken himself out of his grip, and stomped up the stairs on his own, with Kenny following a good distance behind, just in case the other boy wanted to lash out again. In Kenny's room Kyle had thrown the donut at the wall, tossed his jacket on the floor, and crawled entirely under the thin covers on Kenny's bed.

And then, he'd started to cry.


	2. Step Two

Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: Next chapter. This one's longer. Aren't you all happy? XD

Yeeeaaahhh… Uhhh. I hope I wrote Cartman allright. OMG BUTTERS. dies yeah… just, read now…

* * *

_Everything around me is turning into shit  
And I don't know what to do  
Everyone I know is having a fit  
'Cause I haven't got a clue_

_I don't know who I am  
Patience is wearing thin  
I think my head is caving in_

_I don't wanna live in a rubber room  
But I think I'm halfway there  
The funny thing about it is the worse it gets  
The less I even care_

_I don't know who I am  
Patience is wearing thin  
I think my head is caving in_

_ "Rubber Room" Screeching Weasel_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

"So… so like, in English class this morning, I stole Tweak's coffee, right?" Cartman snickered as he led the way to the lunchline, Kenny following behind. "Right? And then he was getting all twitchy and buzzeh and stuff… but he couldn't do anything cuz Ms. T is a bitch, right? And then… you listening Kenneh? And then, when Ms. T wasn't looking… I.. heheh… I heh… when she wasn't looking, right? I put some… heh… I put some kitty litter in it, right? And then… and then I was all like "Hey Tweak, look what I found over here…" and he… you know what he did?"

"What'd he do?" Kenny asked, grinning already in spite of himself.

"He DRANK IT. All of it!" Cartman started laughing, slapping a hand on Kenny's shoulder so hard that he thinner boy almost fell over.

"Dude, that's fuckin' sick…" Kenny laughed.

"I know, I know, I'm awesome." Cartman said, grinning self-importantly. Then, noticing the line had stopped, he shoved the kid in front of him. "Hey! Who the fuck's holding up the lahn?"

Kenny's laughing was dying off slowly; now he knew why Tweak had looked so green in bio class that morning.

The sound of raised voices reached them, and he turned around to look behind them, curious. He couldn't see much beyond the mass of people gathered around, and it seemed whatever was going down was far across on the other side of the cafeteria.

"What is it this time?" Cartman groaned as the people in line before him stopped to turn and stare at whatever was going on behind them. "Come oonn… today's pizzaa daaaay…"

"Stan and Kyle are fighting…" A slightly shaky voice said, and Kenny turned to see Butters standing next to him. The other blond turned wide eyes to him. "Its… Its kinda scary…"

"Oooo…. Bitch fight…" Cartman rolled his eyes, sighing loudly. "C'mon Kenneh, let's go get the food while everyone's busy…"

"I don't know Cartman…" Kenny frowned, trying to look over the heads of the people standing in front of him. Voices were raising even louder, and becoming almost coherent even at this distance. "This is looking pretty fucking bad…"

"Pretty fucking bad?" Cartman gave him his "you're-an-idiot" look. "Please, poor boy, this is not 'pretty fucking bad'. They got mad at each other, they didn't talk while it was all boiling up inside them, and now they're going to do what they always do: they're going to bitch about it, they're going to slap each other like little girls, cry on each other's shoulders, and then kiss and make up. That's how it goes."

"Ah don't think ah've ever seen Stan and Kyle kiss before…" Butter's said, frowning. Cartman turned his 'you're-an-idiot' look on him this time.

"It's a figure of speech, Butters. I know you don't have much of a brain, but use what you have, please. Maybe then you won't sound so goddamn stupid." Cartman said with barely constrained patience. He turned back around and began pushing past the people who had started coming back to watch whatever was happening. "C'mon, let's get some fucking food, I'm hungreh…"

Kenny frowned and turned back to look how things were progressing between his two other friends. Pushing some people aside, he managed to slip closer to the ring of people, and the empty circle where Stan and Kyle were screaming at each other.

"What the hell Kyle? I'm trying to apologize!"

"Apologize! That's all you ever do!"  
"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"All you ever do is fuck up and apologize, do shit and apologize…"  
"What am I supposed to do?! I'm fucking sorry, alright?!"

"BULL SHIT! You're not sorry! You never are!"

"What the fuck got up your ass this time?!"

"How about you?! You're the one who was acting like a giant dick!"

"I was the one?!"

From where he was standing, Kenny could see just enough past the people in front of him to see Stan grab Kyle by the collar of his shirt.

"What the fuck?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Let go of me, asshole!"  
Kyle grabbed Stan by the collar this time, and the two were now glaring eye to eye.

"What the fucking hell do you want me to do?!"

"Leave me the fuck alone, alright?! Just fuck off!"

"The hell I will..!"

Suddenly, the ring around the two boys parted. Murmurs ran around among the gathered kids, and most backed away from the scene.

From the gap in the ring stepped out a tall, dark haired man. The students closest to the man grimaced, and Kenny guessed that more than a few whimpered before backing away even farther. Kenny couldn't blame them, really. He'd had more than one run-in with that man, and he shuddered slightly.

"Boys! BOYS! BREAK IT UP!" The man moved to pull the two apart.

"Oooooh, Mr. Lieber." Butters breathed next to him.

"What? What happened?" Cartman had returned, his lunch tray heaped with all the slices of pizza he could manage to pile on it.

"Stan and Kyle got all up on each other's asses, and now Mr. Lieber showed up." Kenny said, pulling his hood lower over his face and resisting the urge to pull the drawstrings closed.

"Ooooo…" Cartman said, watching as Mr. Lieber started dragging Stan and Kyle out of the cafeteria, then snickered. "They're totally screwed now…"

Kenny lay on his bed, staring up at his ceiling, his mind still plodding through the events of the day. Mr. Lieber had kept Stan and Kyle in his office all through lunch, and through most of the next period too. Kenny had seen stan in his last class of the day, but the boy had still been fuming strong and hadn't responded when Kenny tried to talk with him. He hadn't managed to catch Kyle at school, but he had seen the Broflovski's classy Mercedes peeling out of the school parking lot after classes ended. Seemed someone had been - to put it mildly - seriously pissed off.

Now Kenny lay there, staring at his ceiling, feeling a headache coming on. It was the middle of the night, but he'd had a hard time sleeping ever since that one night a few weeks earlier, when a thunderstorm had come through, and a freak lightning bolt had streaked through his open window and fried him in his bed. He figured that if he stayed awake as long as he could, he'd have a better chance of getting away from another freak lightning bolt. Stupid, he knew, but most of his Plans To Stay Alive were.

A knock at his window shocked him out of his thoughts. He frowned thoughtfully, staring out at the black sky visible beyond the dirty windowpanes. He seriously doubted that a lightning bolt could learn how to knock… but, then again, this WAS South Park, and he WAS a boy who died and came back to life. He figured pretty much anything could happen in this town.

A second knock brought out his curiosity, and he pulled himself off his bed, turning on the dim lamp on his dresser as he shuffled his way to the window. Opening it, he grimaced as the cold wind outside blew in, biting frostily through his thin and ragged t-shirt. He peered out into the darkness; according to the school's science teacher, no clouds meant no lightning, so he should be safe, he guessed.

"Kenny?" A voice called out softly from somewhere close beneath his window. He looked down in surprise, but even though it was dark he knew who it was.

"Kyle? What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked, but reached down to help the other boy up off the tree branch he was sitting on and in through the window.

"Oof… you know, that tree could be a little taller…" Kyle said after he'd finally managed to climb in. He stood, shivering slightly, as Kenny closed the window.

"heh, guess so…" Kenny grinned slightly. "You all right?"

"Yeah, yeah… just needed to get out of that house…" Kyle said, glancing around at the walls.

"They really let you have it, huh?" Kenny asked, and Kyle nodded in response, muttering something under his breath. He picked at his shirt, and Kenny noticed that he wasn't really dressed for wandering around in the night. All he had on was a t-shirt, a pair of baggy sweatpants, and a pair of old sneakers.

"Your hair's wet." Kenny noticed, surprised, and then saw that his clothes were too. Kyle looked confused, raising a hand to his head. The auburn curls, usually poofed out, were hanging loose and limp around his face.

"Oh, yeah… it was sorta snowing before…" Kyle said, shrugging, his hand dropping back to his side.

"Shit, dude…" Kenny shook his head as he made his way over to his closet. Shoving aside the broken sliding door, he started looking through his few sweatshirts, searching for one that wasn't too dirty. Finally finding one, he tossed it over to Kyle. "Put that on, don't want you fucking getting sick or something…"  
Kyle pulled the shirt on, then continued to stand there, glancing around but not really focusing on anything. The sorta-glazed, not-all-there look in his eyes was making Kenny nervous, and he watched his friend for a moment before speaking.

"Kyle?" He said, but at first the redhead didn't seem to hear. "Kyle, hey…"

"Huh? Yeah?" Kyle blinked, looking at him.

"What the fucks wrong?" Kenny asked, frowning.

"Nothing's wrong…" Kyle answered quickly, face darkening.

"Dude, please… I'm poor, not fucking stupid. I know when something's wrong, alright?" Kenny fixed him with a stern look. "What the hell is going on?"

"Nothing, all right." Kyle growled, his fists clenching at his sides. "Jesus Christ man… everyone's all over my fucking ass today. I thought I could get some fucking peace here at least but I can't can I?"

"Woah, woah, calm down…" Kenny said quickly, his hands rising up defensively. "Ididn't wanna piss you off, alright, I'm just worried…"

"There's nothing to fucking worry about…" Kyle's voice sounded calmer, but his eyes were still sparking dangerously.

Kenny walked over, gently pulling Kyle over to his bed and forcing him to sit on it. He sat down next to him, biting his lip worriedly. Kyle was still simmering, his eyes holding a dangerous edge to them.

"Look, its all right, okay… You don't wanna talk about it, that's fine. I won't push…" Kenny said finally. Kyle was still glaring at the floor, but his breathing was slowing down.

"I… I just don't feel like it right now…" Kyle muttered, shaking slightly.

"Its okay… Look, you ever need to get away or talk or something, I'm here. All right?" Kenny said, trying his best to grin. Kyle looked at him, a curiously lost expression on his face.

"Really?" He asked, as if it was something truly alien to him.

"Yeah, really." Kenny answered, this time managing to grin.

"Thanks Kenny." Kyle smiled, a little sad, but fully relieved, smile.

"Y'know, that's what friends are for, right? That's what friends do…" Kenny shrugged. Kyle nodded, sighing sadly.

"Yeah, that's what friends do…"

* * *

Look, endnotes!: Uhh…. The episode The Jefforson's leads me to believe that Kyle has a history of sneaking out and climbing up to his friends windows. You know? That part where Stan wakes up when there's a knock to his window, and he goes "Kyle?" but instead its freak-master? Yeah… XD 


	3. Step 3

Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: heeheee… Frenchy… XD Uhhhhh…. Yeah, the second half of this chapter was written even before the first chapter! Yes! Its what started this crazy little story. Wheeee! Um. Yeah. XD ENJOY

Uhhh I forgot to reply to my reviewers but I love you two very very much! Thank you for reviewing, and letting me know what you think.

* * *

_I'm in a dream because everything seems  
Like it's moving through some kind of fog  
I try to explain but the words come out strange  
And I don't know what I'm doing wrong_

_'Cause I'm in my own world and you're not a part of it  
I'm in my own world it's falling apart_

_If I smile outside and I roll back my eyes  
In my head and shake hands, you know what?  
I can't even tell that I'm not even welcome  
In the town where I grew up_

_'Cause I'm in my own world and you're not a part of it  
I'm in my own world it's falling apart_

_ "Falling Apart" Screeching Weasel_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause 

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

School days were just too fucking long, Kenny thought. He looked at the apple in his hand a long time before taking a bite out of it. Chewing lazily, he glanced over at the apple's former owner. Butters sat next to him, humming happily as he arranged the fries on his plate into groups according to size. There had been a time at the beginning of high school when Butters hadn't sat with them, but now he was at their table almost every day. Good news for Kenny, that meant he didn't have to mooch food off of Cartman and then owe him his organs the next time he died or something. 

Butters launched into a quiet song about the fries and the ketchup, a song that wasn't quite as innocent as it seemed, per the usual. Kenny grinned fondly as he took another bite of the apple. Good ol' Butters, he'd be ninety and he'd still be singing his applesauce song. The thought of a crotchety old Butters singing one of his infamous bathroom songs was too much to imagine, and Kenny cracked up laughing. As his horrible luck would have it, the piece of apple that he had bit off didn't appreciate the laughter, and proceeded to lodge itself in his throat.

Fuck, not again, Kenny thought desperately, straining to breathe. Choking was one of his least favorite ways to die; it took too long and was painful besides. At least getting smashed by a satellite was quick.

"Goddamit Kenneh!" Cartman growled, slamming a fist into the table so hard it jumped an inch. He pointed angrily at the choking blond, fuming. "You are not dying on me! Not today! If you're not in Chem class today then I'm gonna be paired up with stupid Frencheh, I KNOW I am, and I am NOT going to be paired up with him! Understand?!"

Kenny flailed a little, but doubted that would answer the question. Bright spots were starting to appear before his eyes, and he clawed at the tabletop with weakening fingers.

"Dammit, Butters! Whack him or something!" Cartman commanded.

"Oh, oh.. Alright…" Butters said, hitting Kenny on the back.

"No, Butters, harder!" Cartman growled.

"But… but Ah don't wanna hurt him…" Butters stammered out, but continued hitting Kenny. Cartman rolled his eyes, sighing loudly.

"Please. Must I do everything myself?" Cartman heaved himself up and trudged over to stand behind Kenny. "You do it like this…"

Kenny, meanwhile, was quickly nearing that state of oxygen loss where the entire world was becoming one, giant, bright ball of white, and all the sound of the world had faded into white noise that roared around him. A pinprick of black appeared in the white before him, and it grew swiftly. He tried to make a noise, tried to stop it, but it sped towards him, growing larger, and larger, until-

WHACK!

The piece of apple in his throat was launched into the air, landing a few feet away. He collapsed onto the table, gasping for air like a grounded fish.

"See, Butters, like that." Cartman hmphed, and made his way back to his seat.

"Are ya allright, Kenny?" Butters asked, patting the boy on the back.

"Yeah…yeah… I'm cool…" Kenny wheezed. The world was just starting to come back into view, but his ears were still ringing awfully.

"You owe me, poor boy." Cartman said around the hamburger in his mouth. Kenny grimaced, rubbing his throat gently.

"I know." Kenny muttered, and Cartman fixed him with a stern glare. "I mean, thanks.'

Cartman hmphed, turning his attention back to his hamburger. Butters still had a concerned look on his face, but Kenny grinned at him, as best he could.

"Don't worry Butters, I'm alive." Kenny said, crossing his arms on the table and laying his head on them. Butters shrugged, turning back to his fries.

"Allright, if you say so…" he said, reaching for his ketchup packets.

"Guys, be honest now…" A voice began.

Kenny raised his head, frowning. Cartman paused in taking another bite of his hamburger, glaring. Butters continued to hum as he opened the ketchup.

"What'm I supposed to be honest about? That I hate you?" Cartman asked, going back to his hamburger.

"Fuck you fat ass." Stan glared daggers at Cartman.

"Shut up dickhole!" Cartman shot back; he'd given up on the 'big-boned' excuse a long, long time ago.

"Okay, the normal people," Stan said, turning to look at Kenny and Butters. "Be honest now, who would you rather have sit with you at lunch, me or Kyle?"

Butters started stuttering something, but didn't get far before falling silent. Kenny looked curiously at Stan for a long moment, long enough that the other boy began fidgeting, shooting the hooded blond a slightly annoyed look.

"Why?" Kenny asked finally.

"Because, apparently, wherever I am Kyle isn't. So, I just wanted to know…" Stan said, sighing. Kenny gave him the most disbelieving look he could manage.

"Well, Stan, you're fun to talk to and all… but Kyle's fun too… aw, ah just don't know if I could pick between you two…" Butters shook his head sadly, continuing to pour ketchup over the piles of fries on his plate.

"Whatever… sit down Stan, I'll choose the lesser of the two evils." Cartman says finally, motioning to a spot next to him. Stan shot a withering glare at him, and walked over to sit next to Butters.

"He still won't talk to you?" Kenny asked, looking over at Stan. The boy sighed, putting his elbows on the table and leaning on his hands.

"He won't even look at me, dammit!" Stan said, "I tried to get him to stop and talk to me this morning, but he pushed right past me. I don't know what to do…"

"Well, Stan, maybe if you talked with us about what happened… maybe we can help or somethin'…" Butters suggested.

"No." Stan said quickly, his eyes narrowing.

"Uh..oh… alright then…" Butters turned back to his fries, pushing them around with one finger. Cartman snorted at Stan's answer, muttering 'fags' under his breath, but it seemed that Stan didn't hear him. Kenny continued to watch him for a little while, then shook his head, standing up.

"I'll see you guys later," He said, starting to walk off.

"Chem class, Kenneh!" Cartman shouted after him, "Don't fucking die before then!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Kenny muttered to himself, tossing the apple he still carried into a nearby garbage can. There were days when he wondered why the hell he put up with all of Cartman's shit. He sighed heavily, sticking his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt, and headed towards the far side doors of the school building.

Opening one of the double-doors, he stepped out, pulling a cigarette and lighter out from his pocket. Lighting up, he nodded at Craig and his crew; they'd claimed the side entrance as their territory early on in their high school career. Craig nodded, then went back to playing cards with Clyde and Token. Kenny leaned against the school wall, trying to relax. Between the choking, and Stan and Kyle fighting, and Cartman just being a bastard, he was starting to feel all twitchy and drained. He sighed, then looked at Craig and the other's thoughtfully.

"Hey, you guys seen Kyle around?" He asked. Token shrugged, shuffling the deck of cards. Clyde raised an eyebrow, then looked to Craig. Craig frowned, looking at Kenny.

"Why?" He said, pulling the cards Token was dealing out closer to him.

"Just wondering… he wasn't at lunch…" Kenny shrugged.

The door opened behind them, and Tweak staggered out, not really watching where he was going since he was chugging down a large cup of coffee.

"Finally…" He said, pausing to take a breath. He didn't twitch so bad when he had caffeine in him.

"Tweak, Ken's looking for Kyle, you seen him around?" Craig asked, looking through his hand of cards. Clyde was frowning at his own hand, and trying to see if he could grab a look at either Token's or Craig's hands.

"Huh?! What?!" Tweak blinked erratically, finally seeing Kenny. "Oh, yeah, I think I saw him in the comp lab…"

"Comp lab?" Kenny repeated thoughtfully. He looked to see if he'd hear any more, but Tweak had gone back to chugging his coffee.

Sighing, he took a long drag on the cigarette, letting the smoke out slowly. At least now he knew what Kyle was doing during lunch; it seemed probably he'd continue heading to the comp lab as long as Stan was going to be sitting with them at lunch. Kenny shook his head; When was it going to end? They had to get over this eventually…

Still, he couldn't shake that uneasy feeling. Something seemed wrong, familiarly wrong. He frowned, trying to figure out just what it was.

"… shit…"

He managed to take one last drag on his cigarette before the wall behind him blew open, sending bricks, shards of metal, and - hot water? - at him. The world was fading… everything was fading…

_"Holy shit! Did you see that…?"_

_"What the fuck happened?!"_

_"….boiler…? What?"_

_"…aw… should've known… Kenny…"_

"…."

* * *

Kenny blinked sleepily, leaning heavily on the bathroom's doorframe. He narrowed his eyes, trying to focus and keep his thoughts from flying around too much.

"Kyle… what the hell you doin'?" Kenny slurred sleepily. He'd gotten quite used to having Kyle climb in through his window at odd times during the night over the past two weeks, but this was the first time he'd left Kenny's room and headed somewhere else during the night.

"I need a fucking change, Kenny… I need a fucking change…" Kyle said, his voice low, but holding that near-squeaky-but-not-quite note of desperation that it got whenever he was really fired up about some cause.

"Yeah, all right dude… got that… but this?" Kenny said, shaking himself in hopes that that would keep him awake. He glanced around at the bathroom, still wondering whether he was really awake or not.

Curled strands of auburn hair littered the floor around Kyles feet, and continued falling into the sink below his face. Kyle frowned into the mirror, turning his head slightly, and raised a hand to grab another piece of hair. His other hand lifted the knife he had found in the bathroom cabinet to saw at the strands.

Kenny grimaced; that was just one of the many knives that his brother left lying around the house. He was more than sure that his brother had some strange sort of obsessions with sharp objects. Personally, Kenny didn't really like sharp things around; he preferred things that made fire, fire was much prettier.

"Uh… so, like… you want me to help or something?" Kenny asked finally, watching as Kyle continued to cut at his hair.

"No… I got this…" Kyle breathed, sounding as if he was only marginally paying attention to the other boy. He brushed his fingers through his shortened hair. The curls were tight now, not as poofy as they were either. Kenny snickered suddenly, and Kyle turned to him. "What?"

"Nothin'… you just… you just look like a fucking sheep…" Kenny snickered some more, wondering whether it had been smart to drink the two beers his dad had left sitting out on the table the night before. Then again, two beers had never been enough to get him even a little woozy before, so maybe he was being stupid just because he was so goddamned sleepy.

"A sheep?" Kyle said, in that tone a person takes when they're trying very hard not to smack someone because they're stupid.

"Like… like a fucking little lamb…" Kenny grinned, then added. "A red one."

Kyle looked at him for a long moment, the hardened edge in his eyes softening and being replaced by a thoughtful one.

"Is it different?" He asked finally, still looking at Kenny. The blonde's chuckling slowly ground to a stop, and he regarded his friend closely.

"Definitely." Kenny said finally, nodding solemnly. "Totally different."  
"Hm…" Kyle turned back to the mirror, gazing into it. "But is it different enough?"

"Dude… why do you wanna change?" Kenny asked, crossing his arms. "You were pretty cool before…"

"Don't you see Kenny?" Kyle asked, his voice soft. "Can't you see it? All this time, all I've ever done is do what everyone expected me to do. I was supposed to be the moral voice, I was supposed to be the one who knew what was right and what was wrong. Why? Why me? Why did I always have to be the one that took the fall? Why did I always have to do what my parents said I should do?"

"…you seemed all right with it…" Kenny said slowly, trying to keep up with what Kyle was saying, trying to keep up with the meaning of it.

"Sure I did! It was all I knew, wasn't it?" Kyle said, turning around to face the other boy. His eyes looked strange in his half-shadowed face. They seemed to glow dully in the half-light of the room. "That's all they wanted me to know. This is right; that is wrong. That's all that they wanted to exist for me. Everything was clear cut, black and white and shades of gray. There was only one path, and that was the one I was supposed to follow, because everything else was wrong."

Kenny considered this, looking at Kyle thoughtfully.

"So that's why you want to change?" He said. Kyle frowned thoughtfully.

"That's why I need to change. They told me, Kenny, they told me that that was who I was. That's who I am, and nothing else. Why?" Kyle shook his head, "Why couldn't I ever be anything else? If it was something that clashed with what they told me I was, I wouldn't do it. Why?"

"So… that wasn't you then?" Kenny was getting confused. Conversations like this just shouldn't be had at two in the morning. Kyle's eye's fired up at his words, and he continued with his thoughts.

"No, see, its like… that was me, but it wasn't all me. It was me on the inside, but not on the outside. I want to be me now, Kenny. I want to be the real me." He said, putting his hands on his chest.

Funny, Kenny thought, he's still holding that knife.

"I'm going to do everything, everything to be me now." Kyle said, turning back to the mirror. His words were heavy and low, no longer filled with desperation, but with certainty. "I'm going to be the me I want to be, and not the me that everyone else wants me to be. I won't be the me that my parents want me to be, or that the teachers want me to be…"

"… or that Stan wants you to be?" Kenny asked softly. He couldn't see Kyle's face, but the way he gripped the knife handle, so hard that his knuckles turned white, was all the answer he needed.

"I'm going to be me…"


	4. Step 4

Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: Even longer? And do we learn something? Maaaayyybbbeee… And this is where writing Kyle begins to get REALLY FUN.

* * *

_I'm not feeling human anymore  
Half connected all the time  
Each night I document the things I've done  
The pointless points I've made for stupid reasons  
Every night I'm always the sameYou're pounding on my brain  
Tonight and every night I lie down clenching up my teeth  
Trying to fall asleep  
I've sat and smoked a billion cigarettes  
And wished to hell that you were here  
My stained and calloused fingers hold a pen  
Scratching apologies to you too late too little  
Every night I pay off my debts  
Trust me I don't forget  
Tonight and every night I will analyze everything  
And make myself count the ways  
I fucked up today_

_"Every Night" Screeching Weasel  
_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause 

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

Kenny woke up late the next day, groaning as he rolled over. He really shouldn't be having such a bad headache after only two beers; unless, of course, there was something else in that beer. That was always a possibility. He'd just decided to spend the day in bed when he remembered that Kyle had been over again the night before. Sitting up with difficulty, he looked around his room through half-lidded eyes. The sleeping bag that Kyle used when he stayed over was rolled up in one of the corners of the room; at least some things about the boy hadn't changed. Kenny gratefully fell back on his bed, only to curse loudly as the action increased the pounding in his head. 

"Fucking… shitty ass.. Goddamit…" He muttered, rolling around and trying to find a better position on his lumpy mattress.

Just as he'd begun drifting off to the wonderful land of unconsciousness, the doorbell rang. The shrill ring jolted him back to the real world. Growling, he buried his face deeper into his pillow and ignored the sound of his sister pounding over to the door. Honestly, she was the only scrawny 11 year old he knew of that could sound like a herd of elephants in the living room.

"KEEENNNYYYY! IT'S STAAAANNNN!!" Kristie yelled from the front of the house.

"Goddammit… If its not one its the other…" Kenny groaned, finally pulling himself out of bed. Hopefully, Stan wouldn't be making any long speeches, he really didn't have the head to try figuring out another monologue so soon after Kyle's.

He pulled on some clothes, barely looking at them. It didn't really matter, anyway, all his clothes started looking the same after a while - ratty and dirty with stains that wouldn't come out no matter how hard he tried to clean them. He stumbled out of his room and over to the door, nearly tripping on the broken floorboard halfway down the hallway. Stan was waiting for him, leaning gloomily against the wall next to the door. He was dressed all in black, but he hadn't resorted to black mascara yet. Maybe there was still some hope, Kenny thought, then remembered the conversation he'd had with Kyle the day before. Then again, maybe there wasn't.

"Hey Stan…" Kenny managed to stop in front of his friend without wobbling too much, but Stan didn't seem to notice.

"Hey Kenny…" Stan said, looking at him. His blue eyes were frighteningly dull, and slightly unfocused. It was pretty apparent his mind wasn't entirely concentrated on the here and now. "Walk with me?"

Kenny shrugged, and followed Stan out the door. It seemed his job was to be mediator for everyone this time around. He didn't mind that much, but he still had no idea what he was supposed to do to help. They walked in silence for a while, Stan looking around at things without really seeing them and sighing every now and then, Kenny slowly getting out of his sleep-daze and finally coming fully awake. By the time they'd reached Stark's Pond Kenny was getting through his first cigarette (and wondering when he'd get the time to shoplift his next pack) and Stan was starting to show signs of life.

"I don't know what to do." Stan said finally, stopping to lean against the dark, skeletal tree. He sighed deeply, looking out over the pond.

"Well… I don't know how I'm supposed to help…" Kenny said, breathing out smoke. "Maybe if you'd tell me what the hell happened…"

Stan frowned, then shook his head, staying silent. Kenny sighed, turning to face the black-haired boy.

"Allright, you know, you don't have to actually tell me what exactly happened… just, like, what sorta happened…" Kenny said, starting to really get annoyed with all this secrecy. How the hell was anything supposed to get better if they didn't talk about things?

"I said something, and then Kyle said something, and then I guess he got mad at something I said, and I got mad at what he said… It all just blew up then…" Stan said, sighing again. The boy was sighing way too much, it couldn't be healthy. Kenny wondered for a moment if sighing a lot could aggravate ashtma; but there were more important things going on.

"Okay, you know what? I fuckin' figured that much out myself…" Kenny said, angrily tossing his cigarette onto the ground and grinding it into the ground with his sneaker.

"What am I supposed to say? I don't know what the fuck set him off this time!" Stan burst out, turning to face the blond. "I didn't do anything differently than I ever do! I didn't do anything differently than I ever do! I don't know what the hell did it this time!"

"Whatever it was, it must've been pretty bad." Kenny said, sticking his hands in his pockets and watching Stan closely. The boy shook his head, then looked at him desperately.

"Kenny, I don't know. I don't know what I did." Stan moaned. Kenny stayed silent for a moment, thinking about the night before and everything Kyle had said to him. Stan wrapped his arms around himself, leaning back against the tree and dropping his gaze. He seemed to be muttering something quietly to himself.

"Did you try getting him to do something? Or… did you, like, say something, assuming he'd do it anyways because that's just what he does?" Kenny asked finally. Stan glanced up at him sharply, his eyes narrowing.

"What… what did he tell you?" His voice was low, dangerously low. His entire stance had turned rigid, his shoulders setting slightly. It seemed Kenny had hit the nail right on the head. Kenny suppressed a grin; now he was getting somewhere.

"Nothing, that's the problem. If either one of you'd only talk about it, maybe things wouldn't be so fucking bad…" Kenny said, meeting Stan's eyes. Stan held his gaze for a moment, thoughts visibly swirling in his mind, before relaxing.

"Sounds like you've been talking to him a lot…" Stan said wistfully, slouching back against the tree. Kenny couldn't help snickering at the comment.

"A lot? Dude, he's at my house almost every other fucking night…" Kenny shook his head, pulling out another cigarette and lighting up. Stan shot a confused look at him, tilting his head.

"What? Why?" Stan asked.

"Heh, where else's he supposed to go?" Kenny dragged on the cigarette hard enough to make the tip glow red, then let out a huge puff of smoke. "From what I understand, he's getting into some serious shit with his parents… Besides… he's starting to act sorta weird…"

Kenny stopped there; he wasn't sure just how much he should tell Stan. Honestly, was wanting to change yourself really all that weird?

"Weird? How, weird?" Stan asked, crossing his arms. Kenny looked at him, then looked away.

"Well, you haven't seen him since its Saturday… but last night… he sorta…" Kenny tried stalling, but all of Stan's attention was now focused on his words. He grimaced, but continued, "Last night… he took a fucking knife to his hair…"

"What?" Stan snapped, his finger's tightening claw-like in the fabric of his shirt.

"Its, like, pretty damn short now…" Kenny said, taking another drag on his cigarette and avoiding Stan's gaze. It really hadn't been a Kyle thing to do, he guessed, but then, Kyle didn't want to be Kyle anymore, right? Or rather, he wanted to be Kyle, but not what everyone else assumed Kyle was. That still sounded as confusing as it did at two in the morning.

Stan started fidgeting, muttering something under his breath again. He shook his head, sighing again, and pushed himself off the tree. He looked around the pond, then turned to Kenny with a determined glint in his eyes. That, along with the set of his jaw, and the way he'd squared his shoulders, plainly indicated that he was Ready To Do It.  
Yes! Kenny thought, Finally!

"I'm going to go talk to him." Stan said firmly.

"You sure Stan?" Kenny asked lightly, "You know, he's pretty damn pissed."

"No, I have to. This needs to get cleared up." Stan said, and, gritting his teeth, he turned and started off in the direction of Kyle's house.

"Hey man, you need backup?" Kenny called after him. Stan stopped for a moment, considering this.

"Give me an hour." He said finally, then started off again. Kenny watched him go, then checked his watch. That meant he had until 2 to bum around. He headed back into town and stalked his way through a few stores. No luck, everyone on duty watched him like a hawk. Growing tired of the suspicious glares, he headed off to the one place he knew of where food was readily available, and not entirely as difficult to steal as at the stores.

"Why, hello Kenny, come on in." Ms. Cartman said, moving aside so he could enter the house. "Eric is up in his room playing a new video game. Go on up, I'll bring something to snack on."

"Thanks Ms. C," Kenny grinned, breathing in the smell of fresh baked cookies. Oh yes, as annoying and bastardly as Cartman can get, nothing beat wasting time at his house. Especially after his mom had just cooked up a batch of her famous fudge-nut cookies.

He tromped up the stairs and headed for Cartman's room. The sounds of loud explosions and machine gun fire could be heard from behind the door, and he didn't bother knocking before opening the door and going in.

"EY! Who do you think you are? Huh?" Cartman growled at him from his seat on the bed, barely giving him a glance. "What'd I tell you about barging into my room bitch?"

Kenny snorted, dropping onto a large blue beanbag chair. Propping his feet on the desk, he leaned back until he could watch the tv upside down.

"That's the third time this week, I'm gonna start charging you an entrance fee…" Cartman growled, shooting through a row of enemy soldiers.

"Can I pay you in porn mags?" Kenny answered; it really was more interesting watching video games upside down.

"Hmph…What're you doing here anyway?" Cartman grunted as he led his soldier around a corner, shooting at a sniper on a higher level.

"Need to kill some time…" Kenny said, stretching his arms out on the floor in front of him.

"Sure, and steal some of my mom's cookies, right? No way, those cookies are MINE." Cartman growled. "You deserted me Kenneh, I'm stuck with stupid Frencheh for another two weeks…"

"He's not that bad…" Kenny said, grinning.

"Not that bad?! He won't do anything I tell him unless I threaten him with stuffing the finished project up his fucking Frencheh ass!" Cartman pounded the buttons on the controller, setting off a series of explosions in the game.

"But I thought you liked threatening people?" Kenny laughed, ignoring the glare Cartman shot over at him.

"I do-oo, but not when I have to do it every single goddamn ti-ime…" Cartman whined; he'd used up a lot of his resources when he was younger, and it was harder thinking up new threats that beat the old ones. "Kennneeehhhh why'd you have to die? Huh? You know how annoying that is?"

"I can guess…" Kenny muttered, folding his arms underneath his head.

"I had faith in you Kenneh, faith! And you let me down… again…" Cartman shook his head, waiting for the next level of his game to load.

Kenny sneered, but he laughed anyway. Strangely, it seemed his headache from earlier on had disappeared. Better for him, he guessed, at least now he could watch Cartman destroy entire towns without having to wince at every explosion.

Half an hour, and two plates of cookies, later he left Cartman to his war games and headed down the street. Hopefully, everything would be resolved by now. By now, Stan and Kyle would have had their little talk, and if all went well, made up, and on Monday everything could go back to the way it always was.  
Kenny frowned; no, that didn't fix everything, didn't it? What if Kyle still wanted to be the Kyle he wanted to be, and not the Kyle he didn't want to be? He shook his head, sighing. Maybe they found a way around that too. Or a way to work it in. Or something. They had to, right?

He finally reached Kyle's house, and paused to take a deep breath on the walkway. This was it, he thought, and walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. It was a little while before the door was opened. Ike stared up at him, his black hair falling over his eyes, and sighed.

"You're not going to be yelling too, are you?" He asked tiredly. Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"No, I'm not. I'm just here to talk." Kenny said, slouching a little more than usual; this was definitely not a good sign.

"Yeah, well, that's what Stan said…" Ike muttered, moving aside to let Kenny into the house.

"How bad was it?" Kenny asked the younger boy. Ike fidgeted a little, picking at his shirtsleeve.

"Pretty bad. Kyle's not really in the mood, I guess…" Ike said, frowning. He looked up at Kenny sadly. "He's been acting really strange lately. He was arguing with mom and dad all week, and today when we were getting ready to go to morning services at the synagogue, he said he wouldn't go… Mom and Dad started yelling at him, but he just locked himself in his room."

"He didn't go to synagogue?" Kenny looked at Ike in disbelief. He didn't know much about Jewish traditions or anything like that, but he did know that Kyle always, _always_, went to synagogue on Saturday.

"It's weird, I know. It's… it's like he's not himself anymore… I wanna help him, but I don't know how…" Ike sighed, looking at the ground sadly. "You know, my parents, and my teachers, they say I'm smart, and that I know more than any kid my age does… but I don't feel very smart right now…"

"Hey, kid, don't worry… we'll figure this out…" Kenny said softly. Ike looked up at him, but he didn't seem convinced. "How long ago did Stan leave?"

"Around fifteen minutes ago…" Ike said. "But it was more like Kyle threw him out the door than him leaving."

Kenny grimaced, then looked warily over at the stairs. Ike followed his gaze, then looked back with what was supposed to be a comforting look on his face; it looked more like the face of a person sending another victim into the lion's den.

"I don't think he's mad at _you_." Ike said, then added in a whisper, "You should be safe."

"Heh, thanks…" Kenny muttered, steeling himself. Another deep breath, and he started off, up the stairs and down the hall to Kyle's room. He stopped at it, listening for a sound, but he couldn't hear anything. Finally, he got up the courage to knock on the door.

"Kyle? Hey, its me…" Kenny said. There was no response, but then he heard the lock turn, and the door opened just enough for him to fit through.

"Get inside." Kyle said, and Kenny did as told, squeezing through the small opening. Kyle shut and locked the door behind him, then walked over to his desk and collapsed, half-slouching, in the computer chair standing by it. Kenny just looked at him, chewing his lip and not knowing what to say. Why was he here anyway? Kyle would've ended up coming over to his house tonight again, no doubt… He didn't really _have_ to be here.

"What?" Kyle said, his voice as hard and cold as his eyes. Kenny shifted stance slightly; he didn't like that look.

"Nothing… just came to see how you're doing…" Kenny half-mumbled, finally sitting down on the edge of the bed. Kyle barked a laugh in reply.

"How I'm doing? I'm doing fine, just fucking dandy…" Kyle snorted, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back in the chair to look up at the ceiling.

"I…uh, I heard Stan was over…" Kenny began, folding his hands to keep them still. Dammit, he needed a smoke. He needed a smoke badly.

"Your idea?" Kyle said, his voice still ice-cold. Kenny shivered, looking over at him, but the red-haired boy was still looking at the ceiling.

"Well… not exactly…" Kenny muttered, looking off to the side. The blinds were drawn, but only half-closed so that bars of light fell on everything in the room.

Kyle stayed still and silent for a long while, then unfolded his arms and sat forward in his chair. He looked straight at Kenny, who was still trying to avoid his gaze.

"Listen, Kenny, all right? Listen - I do _not_ want to see Stan again. I'll have to in school, but I won't like it. I never want to talk to him, I never want to see him, I never want to _know_ him ever again, understand? He is a bastard and an asshole and if I ever, _ever_, have to spend any amount of time with him again, one of us will end up dead. Understand?" Kyle growled, his voice heating up in the worst way possible. "I don't care if you stay friends with him, I don't care if everyone in the fucking world wants to be friends with him, I want nothing more to do with him. _Nothing_."  
Kenny nodded, paling under that fiery gaze. He wasn't quite sure he was liking this new Kyle, new Kyle seemed to be a lot meaner, and potentially violent, than the old Kyle. Of course, the pre-disposition had been there, he guessed. The firey nature of the redhead was finally rearing its head it seemed.

"Yeah, I get it…" Kenny said quietly. Kyle held his gaze for a little longer, then nodded and returned to his slouched, arms-behind-the-head position.

There was something bothering Kenny, and he frowned while mulling it over. If he was going to be Stan's friend, wouldn't that make him _not _Kyle's friend, just by association? But, if everyone was Stan's friend and not Kyle's, then who did Kyle have? It just wasn't entirely right, was it? His feelings were clashing, loyalty to one friend and loyalty to another, how was he supposed to choose? Who was the right answer, Kyle or Stan? He shook his head.

"Kyle, I'm still your friend, you know that?" He said finally, looking at the redhead. "I'm still gonna be your friend…"

Kyle stayed silent for much longer this time. Kenny began to wonder whether he'd heard him at all, but was too scared to break the silence. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Kyle straightened up in his seat, turning to face the blonde. A grin broke his face, a small, sad grin, but a _real_ one. His eyes were warm, but there was something shaky about his face, as if his entire expression was about to fall apart.

"Thanks Kenny…" Kyle said softly, then looked over at the window. "Don't worry… It'll all get better soon…"

Kenny wondered whether it would. He wondered whether it would be better ever again.


	5. Step 5

Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: This is SOOO SHORT. But, like I said, I end chapters where I feel they need to be ended. This one did its job, I think. Ooooo Stan, such a hopeful boy.

OH, and if anyone was wondering, the lyrics to the songs I put in front of each chapter apply to the story as a whole, not to the one single chapter. So, most of them foreshadow much of what will happen, while some will sorta explain feelings apparent in the recent happenings in the story.

Oh, and though most of them are reflections of Kyle, not all of the are.

* * *

_It's dark outside, I'm riding alone  
But I know the road  
Can't even see ahead of my nose  
But I know the road  
A little scared, but I know where to go  
Cuz I know the road  
I can do it by feel, take it real slow  
I know the road_

_Hold on--a fork in the road  
Life in transition  
Hold on--moving too fast  
In the wrong direction  
Hold on--gotta feel the road  
Know my position_

_Break the speakers, crack the books  
Over you shoulder, not another look  
Burn off the shackles of a wooden past  
Melt through the ice, be free at last  
Dare to be stupid, dare to smell  
You can be crazy, you can be hell  
The end result is always the same  
Whichever you choose, you lose--you're insane_

_Granite poured into my veins  
Black hole explodes in my brain  
The accident is to blame  
You say you're going insane  
Say it like you mean it, man  
I wish I could, but I can't   
You say that life is a pain  
It isn't for me, man  
I don't feel anything at all_

_Shield myself from the world  
Hold everything inside  
Fold my arms across my chest  
Shield the world from myself  
Make sure the sleeves are tied  
Wrap my arms across my chest  
Death is my life  
Life is my Death  
Lay my arms across my chest  
I know the road, I know where it goes  
I know the road, I know where it goes  
Don't tell me what I already know  
I know where it goes, that's why I'm going so slow_

_ "Schizophrenia" Descendents  
_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause 

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

Stan stood at the edge of Stark's Pond, kicking half-heartedly at the stones that littered its banks. Kenny watched as he picked up a large stone, tossing it in his hand a little before he heaved it out onto the half-frozen lake. The stone slid over a thin spot on the ice and plunged into the water. The boys stood watched the water splash out of the hole in the ice, and then grow still. After a moment Stan picked up another rock, continuing to throw stone and stone out over the ice. 

Kenny shifted his stance a little, still watching his friend. It was just after school, but Stan had looked so lost during classes lately that Kenny had decided he'd start walking home with him. He was trying to be equal opportunity at the moment. It wasn't exactly easy to pull off, although he had his time divided pretty evenly. Days were for Stan, nights were for Kyle.

_Sound like I'm a fucking whore_, Kenny thought with a grimace. He didn't bother adding Cartman to the equation; Cartman had Butters, anyway, and he didn't seem to miss the company of his supposed "best friend".

"You know… I tried to talk to him today…" Stan said as he watched his latest stone go skidding across the ice, coming to a stop just before it reached the edge, and the freezing waters beyond.

"Yeah?" Kenny asked, then waited for Stan to continue. Patience, patience. He'd quickly learned that pushing either one of the boys too far, too soon, would only lead to more trouble. The more he'd push them, the more they'd clam up. At least Stan would. Kyle, frighteningly, seemed more and more inclined to add angry retorts, and lately, violence, to keep Kenny from digging to far.

Kenny shoved the thought away. He'd worry about Kyle later, when the boy was in front of him. Now he had to focus on Stan; this was Stan Time. Fiddling with his lighter, he walked over to stand beside the black-haired boy. Stan was staring somewhere out over the lake, a small sad smile on his face.

"Me and Kyle used to take Sparky out here for walks sometimes… When it got really cold my asthma would get worse, and I couldn't really play around with Sparky, so Kyle would go running around with him…" Stan said, sighing. "We'd do everything together… everything… I taught him how to bike… he taught me how to climb trees…"

Stan laughed slightly, and a little bitterly, shaking his head at the memories. Kenny listened in silence; something inside him felt strange. For a moment his mind unfocused; bikes put together with duct tape and rats in the walls. The first time he'd climbed a tree was to get away from the dog his dad had gotten drunk, while everyone else laughed. _It's all right kid, you'll jus' come back tomorra, like ya always do!_

He shuddered, shaking his head to bring him back to the real world. Stan looked at him, concerned.

"You cold?" Stan asked. The temperature wasn't that close to freezing yet, but their breaths were the faintest of white clouds on the air.

"Nah, I'm fine." Kenny said, shaking his head. _Focus_. He looked at Stan; the concern on the other boy's face wasn't enough to hide the weariness in his eyes. "Did you manage to get anything out of him today?"

Stan frowned, face dropping. His eyes unfocused as he gazed away, his mind obviously detaching itself, at least a little, from the current conversation. It lasted for a while, until suddenly he snapped back, blue eye's widening. He looked at Kenny with such a hurt expression that, at first, the blond thought he was responsible for it. But then Stan's hand rose to cover his eyes, and he half-turned away as if trying to hide something. Strange as it seemed to him, Kenny couldn't blame him. It was more than just losing a best friend; it was like losing a _brother_. No, it was even more than that. Kenny couldn't understand, but he could imagine he could.

"He said he didn't want to talk to me anymore…" Stan half-sobbed, trying hard to keep his voice even, but the harder he tried to steady it the worse it shook. "H-he… he said… he said he did…didn't want to know me anymore…"

Kenny looked at the ground, listening to Stan choke out more words, sputtering much of the same over and over, until he finally fell into a silence punctuated by half-silence, half-choked sobs. The blond reached out a hand to his friend's shaky shoulder, but he'd only held it there a few seconds before Stan shoved it away, turning to face Kenny with tear-filled eyes. Tear-filled, but the slightly smoldering fires of anger burned behind those tears.

"Why?! Why'd he do that?!" Stan cried, grabbing Kenny by the shoulders. He twisted his fingers in the fabric of the jacket, his voice growing desperate. "Why did he leave me, Kenny?! I don't understand, I don't! What did I do wrong? What?! Tell me, dammit!"

Kenny stared at Stan, dumbfounded. He couldn't speak for a long moment; he could only watch and listen, and stare. There was so much despair in Stan's eyes, so much anger. He ran out of steam; soon he was only repeating "Why?", over and over, each time quieter than the last, until, finally, he could only stare at the blond with jaded, pleading eyes, breathing hard with the exertion.

"I… I dunno Stan…" Kenny said slowly, raising his hands to the other boy's shoulders. "Maybe… Maybe you… didn't… do anything…"

"What?" Stan breathed, tilting his head and frowning slightly. "What… what do you mean, I didn't do anything…?"

"Like, like what if… what if there was some other stuff… other stuff went wrong, right? But it wasn't enough to set him off, and it just sat there. Inside him." Kenny didn't know where he was pulling this stuff out of. He didn't even know if he'd end up making any sense at all. "And, its not like what you did was the worst thing, ever, right? But just, it… it…"

"It just made everything too much to bear…" Stan finished, starting to look thoughtful. His hands loosened their grip on Kenny's parka. "But… but that still means… What I did, it was still wrong… I don't know how…well…maybe, but not totally…"

"But it wasn't the worst thing ever, see?" Kenny said, tightening his grip on Stan's shoulders now. He looked the other boy in the eyes as he continued. "See? Its not that what you did was so wrong that he's gone all fucking AWOL, its just, it just tipped the scales…"

"And… and that's supposed to be okay?" Stan questioned, "So you're saying, that the reason Kyle's all pissed at me and doesn't want to _know_ me anymore is just because he associates what I said or did as being the thing that pushed him over the edge? Is that it?"

"… yes?" Kenny bit his lip. _Was_ that what he was trying to say? Stan was looking at him with suspicious eyes, and Kenny hoped the suspicion wasn't against him.

"So… so…" Stan looked away somewhere, obviously thinking furiously. "So, if I wait long enough, and… and he cools down finally, I can show him that… that I'm not that bad, right? That I can still be his friend. Right? I can show him its all that other stuff that fucked him over, and not me, right? I can do that?"

"Yeah… yeah, totally." Kenny said, nodding. _Hopefully_, he added silently. Stan looked at him again, and even though there were still tears in his eyes, he grinned, a hopeful grin.

"All right then. Yeah, fuck, I can do this. All I have to do is wait." Stan said, then laughed. "Yeah. He'll see. I'll be right here, right next to him. And… and when he settles down, and when he thinks he needs me again, I'll be here."

Kenny grinned back at him, but that feeling came back. He felt strange again, felt all disconnected. Stan was right in front of him, grinning and telling him he'd be all right, it'd all be all right. He had it Figured Out now. But it wasn't making sense. Somewhere in his mind, Kenny felt the rats crawling over him at night. Somewhere in his mind, Kenny could hear the voices through the walls.

Somewhere in his mind, it was cold and lonely again.


	6. Leap

-1Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: Wheeee… back to Kyle. Um… nightime, daytime differences? Maybe? XD I hope you enjoy it. Its longer than the last one. And I wrote the last half falling asleep. Literally, half the time I was typing with my eyes closed… X3

* * *

_Close my eyes but I can't shake my head.  
Still not over those words you said,  
tossin' and turnin' rolling in the night.  
She's tying knots, seems that nothing is right.  
Sweat on my brow, my adrenaline's flowing,  
eyes burning red, my anxiety's growing.  
As soon as I'm asleep, it will be tomorrow,  
and that just fills my head full of sorrow._

_Insomnia's got the best of me,  
I've got no choice but to stare at the ceiling.  
Insomnia has a hold on me,  
you don't even know the stress I'm feeling._

_Clock on the wall's moving faster and faster,  
your voice in my mind like a broken record.  
Tossing and turning, rolling in the night.  
She's tying knots, seems that nothing is right.  
Feeling my heart, pounding like a drum,  
reminding me again that my day was too long.  
Drank all my wine that my cuboard is bare,  
still no escape from this waking nightmare._

_ "Insomnia" Mustard Plug_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

The walls of the room were a dull grayish cream. It was paint over large bricks, and the grout between them was a dirtier grey than the rest of the wall. Kenny grimaced; it was sort of like the color of baby vomit. He sighed, shifting on the hard wooden seat. It was absolutely impossible to get comfortable in these chairs, no matter what was done. But, he guessed that's what there were there for.

This was detention, after all.

He glanced over at the teacher in charge of detention today, and shuddered. Mr. Lieber - eek! - sat at the desk, back straight, as he looked over a pile of papers. Every now and then he marked some notes on the paper he'd been looking at with quick, precise strokes, then set it aside on another pile. He was tall, with dark hair even though he was well into his middle years, and his broad shoulders spoke of a well-muscled frame. Kenny thought he must've been in the army before he became a teacher, or at least been a boot camp sergeant. Either way, with Mr. Lieber leading detention, there was absolutely no fooling around. The room was as quiet as a morgue, really, and even the students who were actually doing some of their homework were doing it as quietly as possible.

Kenny held in a sigh, and looked up at the clock on the wall. Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes of sitting around and staring at the walls. Mr. Lieber had papers to grade today; on the days he didn't, detention was turned into cleaning duty, and the students were marched around the school cleaning up the hallways with military precision. At least that was doing something, Kenny thought, then frowned. No, maybe sitting around was better than being forced to pick up every scrap of paper off of the hallway floor. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and looking around the room. A few sophomores were looking through their bio books, must be quiz time. A senior was staring hard at the clock on the wall. A freshman was fidgeting nervously in his chair, glancing at everyone in the room in turn. Finally, his gaze fell on the one facet of detention life that never changed: Craig. The boy sat a few seats left and one seat up from him. He sat in his seat rigidly, gritting his teeth and glaring a hole through the wall in front of him. His hands were fisted on the table in front of him, and entirely wrapped in scotch tape. Kenny snickered quietly; Craig would be Craig.

He looked back up at the clock. Five minutes. Closing his eyes, he thought about what he was going to do after he got out. He'd usually head over to Stan's house, but today he had a doctor's appointment, and some family stuff after that. That meant that Kenny had free time until later at night. For the first time in weeks, he was completely, and totally, free. He could go down to the convenience store on the corner of Main and Harp. He hadn't hit that store in a while, and there was a good chance whoever was on duty wouldn't recognize him until it was too late. Besides, he'd been itching to get some more cinnamon buns, and that place was always stocked full of them. Mmmm… Cinnamon buns…

"All right everybody, detention is over." Mr. Lieber said suddenly. Kenny pushed himself up out of his chair happily. "Craig, come here and I'll liberate your hands now."

Kenny grinned at the other boy before he left, but Craig only glared at him as he made his way up to the desk. Pushing past the nervous freshman, Kenny headed happily down the hallway and shoved open the double doors. Breathing a big sigh of relief, he stretched his arms out above his head. Ah. Sweet liberation. Free at last!

Crossing his arms behind his head, he started down the steps, whistling a tune. Convenience store. Or he could go hang out around the arcade and see if anyone would let him use their extra turns. Or he could always go down to the bus station and check the payphones to see if anyone forgot to take their change. Oh, the possibilities.

Halfway down the steps, he stopped, spotting a familiar green hat on a familiar person sitting on the bottom step. He frowned for a moment, confused, then made his way down to sit down next to Kyle.

"Oh, you're out." Kyle said, studying him for a moment.

"Yeah. Finally." Kenny said, grinning. Kyle looked at him a moment longer, then turned his gaze back onto the world in front of him. He looked thoughtful, his brows furrowed, and Kenny wondered just what he was thinking about. He was about to ask Kyle about it when the boy cut him off.

"You got any plans?" Kyle looked back at him, his eyes actually… hopeful?

Kenny blinked, caught a little off guard. Was Kyle going to ask him to hang out or something? It wasn't something he was expecting. As much time as they'd been spending lately, all of it was at night, and most of it included some pretty vicious exchanges. Now Kyle was looking at him with an expression that definitely didn't match with his recent actions.

"Uh… not really…" Kenny said. Goodbye cinnamon buns…

"Cool… can you come somewhere with me?" Kyle asked, still looking at Kenny with that same, hopeful expression.

"Sure." Kenny replied. Kyle grinned, a small grin, but a grin all the same. Kenny grinned back, but a strange feeling was starting to grow in him.

"Come on," Kyle said, hefting his backpack onto his bag as he stood up. Kenny hesitated a moment before moving; strange, but he was feeling like he was standing at the edge of an invisible line that he wasn't meant to cross. He took a step, then stopped, confused. It didn't exactly feel right. It felt like, if he took that one step forward, he'd be stepping forward into a spot that was reserved for someone else. He looked warily at the ground in front of him, and glanced up at the sky. This wasn't that feeling of foreboding that he got whenever something was about to fall on him, though. This was something else.

Kyle stopped, well ahead of him, and turned back. He frowned back at the blonde, and Kenny could practically see the gears in his head turning. Would Kyle figure out how he was feeling right now? Maybe he could explain it, because Kenny himself couldn't. The redhead shifted his backpack straps slightly, and Kenny realized, with surprise, that Kyle was actually nervous. After the past few weeks, he'd found it hard to believe that Kyle could be anything other than totally apathetic or bursting at the seams with anger.

"You know, you don't have to come if you don't want to…" Kyle said, looking down at the ground, and then off into the distance.

Kenny bit his lip, considering his choices. For the first time in the past few weeks, for the first time since that night when he'd been called out of bed by a knock to the window, Kyle looked lost. Kenny took a deep breath, told himself that this was only temporary, and stepped across that line. For a moment it felt like everything around him went out of focus before returning to how it was. Kenny shivered slightly, then walked up to Kyle. The redhead was looking at him curiously, and Kenny avoided his gaze as they began to walk again.

"So… where're we going?" Kenny asked, scuffing his shoes on the ground. For a moment he thought wistfully of cinnamon buns and arcade games. But those were around everyday, and it wasn't everyday that Kyle asked him to go somewhere with him. Not lately, anyway, and not when the sun was out.

"Denver." Kyle said, as if that were the most natural place for them to go. Kenny actually missed a step at that, and turned a wide eyed gaze to him.

"Denver? Why the fuck do you wanna go to Denver?" Kenny exclaimed. Kyle said nothing, just continued walking. "I mean, fuck, I'll go anywhere, I'm up for any kind of shit, you know that. But Denver?"

"Like I said, if you don't want to come you don't have to…" Kyle said quietly, sticking his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans.

Kenny fell silent, looking at Kyle from the corner of his eye. Sure, Denver wasn't _that_ far away. They'd be getting back a little late at night, but that was all right. He actually _was_ up for going to Denver out of the blue, no doubt about it. It was… just… he frowned, looking down at the ground. He made the choice in following Kyle from the steps, and there was no turning back now. You make choices, and you deal with them. The doubts were still there, and everything still felt strange, but he wasn't scared by it all anymore.

"Fuck it, let's go to Denver!" Kenny laughed, and Kyle jerked a little, staring at him in surprise. Kenny gave him a wide Cheshire grin, and took off down the sidewalk. "If you don't keep up I'll just go there all by myself! I'll tell you how it was when I get back…"

He hadn't expected Kyle to really take him up on that, but just as he was starting to take the turn that led to the bus station, Kyle blew past him, laughing.

"Too slow, Kenny!" The red head called back as he tore up the sidewalk.

"Dammit Kyle!" The blond growled, doubling his efforts as he raced to catch up.

The two boys flew down the last stretch, dodging each other and occasionally giving a good-natured push when one got too close. Soon, they were staggering down the cement walkway to the bus station kiosk.

"Why the hell did you make us run so far?" Kyle gasped, holding on to Kenny's shoulder with one hand. The blond laughed, patting the other boy on the back.

"Cuz life's better in high speed… didn't you know that?" Kenny grinned. Kyle tried to glare at him, but was hampered both by trying to catch his breath and by the fact that he wasn't really all that angry to begin with.

They stopped in front of the ticket window, and Kenny began digging through his pockets. He had to have some money somewhere, at least enough to get a ticket to Denver and back.

"Don't worry, I got it." Kyle said, pulling out some bills. Kenny frowned, but Kyle was already paying for two tickets to Denver. "Come on, the bus leaves soon."

They climbed, or rather, dragged themselves up the bus steps, and staggered down the aisle to collapse on the seats in back. Kenny leaned against the window, the cold glass feeling good against his heated skin. It had felt good to just set off like that, just run and, for a while, forget about everything. Kyle shifted next to him, and Kenny looked over at the other boy. He'd taken the green ushanka off, and was running his fingers as best he could through his still-short curls. Kyle still looked weird with short hair, but Kenny found himself slowly getting used to it. Maybe he'd eventually get used to this 'new' Kyle too. Although… Kyle wasn't acting all that strange right now. Kenny pulled his hood lower over his face, and continued to watch as Kyle started digging through his backpack. He still looked like he did each time he came into Kenny's room at night, but there was something missing now. The _hostility_ wasn't there, that anger that was always threatening to burst over. Kenny thought on this for a moment, but then decided to relax and enjoy this time he was spending with a quieter, and, seemingly happier, Kyle.

"So…" Kenny spoke up a little while after the bus had began to move, squirming to put his back on the window and face Kyle fully.

"What?" Kyle asked, slouched in his seat, glancing over at the blond.

"What're we doing in Denver?" Kenny asked, curious. There had to be some sort of reason they were traveling the near hour to the capital.

Kyle stared at him for a moment, hard, just long enough for Kenny to begin wondering if Kyle was about to start changing into _that _Kyle, before he turned to face the seat in front of him. Kenny frowned when he realized that Kyle wasn't going to tell him why they were headed where they were, and crossed his arms. Kyle remained silent, and they sat like that for a few minutes before Kenny finally had enough.

"Look, you tell me we're going to Denver, you get me on the bus, I think I have the fucking right to know what the hell is going on, don't you?" Kenny said, giving Kyle a hard look. It wasn't easy to do with the other boy trying his hardest to ignore him. "Kyle. What are we going to do in Denver?"

"… What am _I_ going to do in Denver…" Kyle quietly corrected him, still refusing to meet his gaze.

"Fine. What are _you_ going to do in Denver?" Kenny repeated, still staring very hard at the redhead.

Silence.

"What the fuck?!" Kenny finally yelled, and a 'shush!" was directed at him from somewhere towards the front of the bus. He ignored it and leaned forward as best he could to look at Kyle closely. Kyle, in turn, shifted his face away so that he could continue to pretend he didn't know Kenny was right next to him.

"Kyyyllleee…. Why the fuck do you not want to tell me?" Kenny said, quieter this time.

"Because I know what you'll say if I do…" Kyle responded, seemingly very interested in the fabric of the seat across the aisle from them. Kenny frowned at that.

"Then why the hell did you ask me to come if you're not going to tell me why?" Kenny growled, leaning back against the window and crossing his arms angrily. Kyle continued looking at the seat across from them for a long moment, before finally shifting his gaze to the floor in front of him.

"Because… I… I needed someone… with me…" Kyle answered quietly, seeming to sink lower into the seat. Kenny snorted, looking away a little.

"That someone isn't supposed to be _me_…" He muttered, but not quietly enough. He was looking away, but he could _feel_ the heated glare directed at him. Stupid fuck, he cursed himself mentally, looking away to the side and trying not to think about the fact that the very air around him seemed to be heating up.

Needless to say, the rest of the ride passed in a strained silence.

* * *

Once in Denver, Kyle pulled out some papers, and set off to lead the way. Kenny followed close behind, not wanting to get lost in the city. He'd been in Denver a few times before, and once even by himself. Of course, he had also managed to get himself lost that one time, and ended up sharing a bench with a homeless man in some park he'd found. He hadn't known he was going to be sharing the bench when he'd gone to sleep on it, so it had happened to be quite a rude awakening, indeed. He shuddered at the memory, and hurried to keep pace with Kyle. The other boy was walking fast, as if he knew exactly where he was headed.

The sun was falling low in the sky, and Kenny began wondering when they were going to get where they were supposed to be. He was starting to get hungry, really hungry, and thirsty too, but Kyle showed no signs of slowing down. Since his thoughtless comment on the bus, the two hadn't even exchanged a word, and Kenny wondered if Kyle would have really cared whether he was there or not at this point. He was wondering about this, and about his growling stomach, so much that he didn't notice that the other boy had stopped, and ran headfirst into him.

"Ow… fuck…" Kenny backed off, and Kyle turned to him, raising an eyebrow. Kenny tried to grin, but it didn't come out right, and Kyle turned away, shaking his head. He looked back at the storefront they were standing at, and Kenny stepped forward to see it better in the fading light. Just as he began trying to see, bright neon flickered on in the windows, and a myraid of dragons and tigers and colorful waves came to life. Kenny stood there, staring, for a very, very long time.

"Kyle." He said, then stopped. "Kyle. This. This is what we came here for."

"Yes." Kyle assured him.

"This."

"Yes."

"… Why… why the hell are we in front of a tattoo parlor?" Kenny asked, his voice as controlled as he can make it.

"And a piercing salon." Kyle said, not answering the question. Or, maybe, answering it very well.

"Piercing…" Kenny stared at the windows a while longer, then turned to face the other boy. Kyle was looking at the storefront with a grim determination, his green eyes hard. Kenny swallowed, then turned back to look at the windows some more. It wasn't that he was against piercing and tattoos, _per se_, it was just that… Kyle… and piercings… and… his mind just couldn't wrap itself around the idea. Not yet.

"W…why?" Kenny asked.

"Because they don't ask for parental consent for minors…" Kyle answered, heading towards the door. Kenny took a deep breath, then followed the red head into the salon. Oh well, he'd always wanted to see someone get pierced, anyway.

* * *

"Dude…" Kenny began, staring hard at Kyle. He still couldn't believe it. Maybe tomorrow he'd believe it, but not today…er, tonight, as it was. "Dude… your parents? They're going to kill. Like, bloody meat cleaver sort of kill."

Kyle, sitting at the window in the bus this time, glanced over at him. His hand strayed up to the studs piercing the cartilage of his ear, and then down to the twin lip rings, snakebite, they'd called it. He shifted slightly, folding his arms behind his head, and looking back out the window to avoid the blonde's wide-eyed gaze.

"Don't worry, I'll get more of them…" Kyle said, watching as the darkened landscape sped by. "They can't be any worse than these lip rings, anyway… these hurt like a bitch…"

Kenny stared at him in disbelief. He didn't know what had shocked him more, the piercings, or the fact that all his well-hidden secret hopes of having the old Kyle come back had been dashed to pieces by a pair of dark chrome piercing guns and a few fifties.

There was no mistaking it; angry or quiet, this Kyle was the new Kyle, it was the Kyle that Kyle had wanted to be, and, it seemed, the Kyle he wanted to stay, and there was no getting around it.

But, you know… the piercings didn't look that bad… actually…

"Dude… like, maybe, next time you go… maybe I'll get something pierced too…"


	7. That Step

-1Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: THE SONG. It fits so well. SOOOOO WEEELLLL… Imagine the words to a Ska-Punk beat. SKANK IT UP! -skanks-  
Anyways, Uhhhh… Yeah. ENJOY. Cartman's in this one. -grin-

* * *

_We were talking, just the other day  
About small time things how we love to play  
But the talk soon drifted to the darker things in life  
And you mentioned, how your world had changed  
When you found out how my worlds arranged  
Well I guess my sin is not knowing when to lie_

_'Cause I'll never be, never be, what you want me to be  
I'll never see, never see what you want me to see  
And I know now, it's all just lost in your eyes_

_No I'll never be, never be what you want me to be  
I'll Never see, never see, what you want me to see  
And I know now it's all just lost in your eyes  
In your lies_

_I saw a picture, of you and me  
And it all rushed back how it used to be  
All those feelings that were gospel such a long time ago  
And I thought to myself that I wanted you back  
But I know in my mind that it's only a trap  
Well I guess those feelings are better just left alone_

_'Cause I'll never be, never be, what you want me to be  
I'll never see, never see what you want me to see  
And I know now, it's all just lost in your eyes_

_No I'll never be, never be what you want me to be  
I'll Never see, never see, what you want me to see  
And I know now it's all just lost in your eyes  
In your lies_

_You know, maybe when it all comes down to it  
Maybe we were just too much alike  
But when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter  
It's over_

_ "Never Be" Mustard Plug_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause 

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

"Did you see him?! Did you?!" Stan grabbed Butter's by the shoulders, eyes blazing. His fingers twisted in the fabric of the smaller boy's shirt. "Did you?!" 

"See… see who? Stan… that's… that's hurting a little…" Butters half-whimpered, trying to pry Stan's hands off of his shoulders. The raven-haired boy yanked him a little, nearly pulling him off of the bench he sat on.

"You didn't? You didn't see him?" Stan growled, his breath coming fast and hard.

Kenny, sitting a little bit farther along the bench from Butters, gave Stan a wide-eyed looked and slouched down. His hood was over his eyes, but he tried to hide behind the magazine he was reading in the hopes that Stan would miss him.

Stan, of course, noticed the movement right away, and dropped Butters back onto the bench. He stepped over to the other blond, flicking the off hood off of his head.

"Hey!" Kenny glared up at Stan, his hand moving to pull his hood back on. He stopped when he met Stan's eyes, and he quickly averted his gaze, desperately trying to look away.

"You saw him… You did, didn't you?" Stan huffed angrily.

"Stan, maybe you should calm down, dude… You're, like, starting to hyperventilate, what if you get an attack?" Kenny said, trying to change subjects. "Do you have your inhaler on you?"

"I am not going to fucking get an attack!" Stan yelled at him. "Did you see what he did?! Did you?!"

"… I don't think it's a fucking big deal," Kenny said, leaning back against the wall and staring at the ground a little to the right of Stan's shoe.

"You don't think this is a fucking big deal? To you, this not a fucking big deal?!" Stan managed to growl through gritted teeth. "He let someone put fucking holes in his face! How the fuck is that not a big deal to you?!"

"They don't look that painful…" Kenny muttered, shrugging, and then added. "Besides, I think they look kinda cool…"

Stan stared at him, eyes widening at a sudden thought.

"You were there…" He gasped with shock. "You were there, weren't you? You let him do that to himself!"

Kenny stared at him for a moment, and then burst out laughing.

"Let him? Dude, I'm not his fucking _nanny_… Kyle's a big boy, he can do whatever he wants…" Kenny chuckled, shaking his head. "As long as he doesn't do anything that'll end up killing him, I'm not going to butt in…"

Stan squeezed his eyes shut, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. His breathing was beginning to even out, but it was still a little too close to hyperventilating for comfort. Kenny frowned, watching him, and pulled his hood back on.

"That's it." Stan stated, eyes still closed. "That Fucking is IT. I can't take it anymore."

Kenny sat up straighter, and turned to look at Butters. The other boy turned to him, and they shared a worried glance before looking back at Stan.

"I'm going to talk to him." Stan said firmly. Kenny grimaced, thinking back to what had happened the last time those two had talked.

"Uh, Stan, you sure about this?" Kenny asked, eying the boy worriedly.

"Yes! Look, I know he doesn't really like me right now, but someone needs to talk to him about this." Stan said, his voice hard. "This isn't Kyle. This just isn't him…"

"Stan…" Kenny stopped and sighed, but continued. "Stan, Kyle's… changing… this… this _is_ him now…"

"SHUT UP!" Stan yelled desperately, eyes burning. He whirled around angrily and stalked off to search for Kyle.

Kenny watched him go, biting his lip thoughtfully. Butters shifted on the bench next to him.

"Do… do you think something bad'll happen?" Butters asked quietly, staring off in the direction Stan had taken. Kenny sighed, and began digging through his pockets.

"It'll probably be like the last time they talked… only about a million fucking times worse…" Kenny muttered, finally pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He'd filched the pack the day before, but it was already half-empty. He was going to get a black lung thanks to all this drama. "God, Stan couldn't at least wait till tomorrow… Monday's are fucking horrible days to go bitching at people…"

"… You really think it's gonna be that bad?" Butters asked, just as quietly as before. Kenny looked at him with pity; Butters always took it hard when his friends were fighting, and it seemed the recent crisis was taking its toll on him as well.

"Kyle wants to… change himself. But he doesn't want other people forcing anything on him…" Kenny sighed, breathing in nicotine and ash. Butters sat silent next to him for a while, thinking things over.

"So… so if Stan goes ta find him now… and tells him Kyle he doesn't like what he's doing…" Butters said, finally, frowning at the ground. "Kyle's gonna think Stan's trying to get him ta be somethin' other than what he wants ta be? Is that it?"

"Yeah, that's exactly it…" Kenny said, leaning back against he wall. "And, since it turns out Kyle's a pretty fucking angry kid inside, I'm pretty sure shit is really going to go down this time…"

"And… you're not gonna try and stop them or anythin'?" Butters asked, looking at him. Kenny raised an eyebrow at the question.

"Butters, when there's a house fucking burning to the ground, you don't walk inside it, do you? You wait till the fire goes out and everything inside cools off so you don't get burned and die." Kenny explained. Butters didn't look convinced.

"But if you're so scared of getting burned, then why are you helping Stan and Kyle out otherwise?" Butters asked, and Kenny looked away, puffing on the cigarette angrily.

"Because they're my friends…" Kenny said between clenched teeth. The tip of his cigarette burned a steady orange-yellow as he kept taking short, quick puffs.

"But then, shouldn't you be helping them out all the time?" Butters continued, seemingly not noticing that his commentary only made the other boy more and more uncomfortable. "If you don't, well, it's kinda like you're bein' all hypocri--"

"I know Butters! I KNOW! Just shut the fuck up already!" Kenny snapped, frustrated. He _was _being a hypocrite, he knew it, but he was also terrified of getting in the middle of one of Stan and Kyle's fights. They were bad before, when they happened, but now? He didn't even want to imagine what one now would be like. He looked away from the hurt expression on Butters face, only to see a familiar large figure approaching. "Aw, fuck… just fucking great…"

"Hello, Dipshit #1, Dipshit #2." Cartman said as he neared, nodding at the boys. "Tell me, what is happening on this fine day?"

"Stan and Kyle are probably gonna be fighting over somethin' soon…" Butters muttered, glancing warily at Kenny. Kenny grimaced, silently cursing Butters for always having to tell Cartman everything that was happening.

"What? Where?" Cartman perked up. "Where? You guys, I'm seriously, tell me where. I need to see this!"

"Ah… ah don't know…" Butters sighed, and Cartman's face fell before turning angry.

"You don't know? Why the fuck not? Why the fuck do you not know where Stan and the Jew are going to fight?" Cartman growled, then sighed dramatically. "Why do you always do this to me, Butters? Why? Why must you raise my hopes, only to dash them a moment later? Why? And I had so much faith in you…"

"Ah'm sorry, Eric, but…" Butters began, looking disappointed in having failed a friend, but Kenny cut him off before he could say more.

"Shut the fuck up Cartman, it's none of your fucking business…" Kenny growled, glaring at the brown-haired boy. Cartman turned a steely-eyed glare at Kenny, his mouth flattening into a hard line.

"Oh, but it's your business, isn't it? You fucking deserter." He spat at the blond.

"What the…? Deserter? What the hell are you talking about?" Kenny stared at him, dumbfounded. Cartman sneered at him, crossing his arms.

"Oh yes, you shit… You shadow Stan around all day to make sure he won't stub a toe, and then you get all cozy and cuddly with Kahl at night so he won't feel lonely… and you're leaving your _real_ friends behind." Cartman growled, glaring at him accusingly. Kenny sputtered for a moment, unable to get his head around it. Cartman was saying these things? _Cartman_?

"What… what the fucking shit are you talking about?" Keny exclaimed finally. He looked to Butters for help, but the blond just shook his head wearily.

"Well, it's kinda true, Kenny… you barely got time for us anymore…" Butters said sadly, looking at him. "Ever since Stan and Kyle've been fightin', you're just… gone…"

"What?! Guys, come on… they're having a fucking crisis, and you're telling me…" Kenny looked from Butters to Cartman in disbelief. Where was this all coming from?

"Yeah, Kenneh, _they _are, not you. You're telling me it's not mah business, then what are you doing getting in the middle of it?" Cartman said, his eyes hard and cold.

"I'm… I'm not… shit…" Kenny's thoughts were whirling too fast for him to keep up. He shook his head, jerking himself up off the bench. "I'm not… I'm not gonna deal with this crap right now…"

He started walking off, staring at the ground beneath his feet, but Cartman yelled after him.

"You're doing all this shit for them, Kenneh, and I don't see why. What're you gonna get out of it? Huh? I don't remember either of them holding your head over the toilet when you puked your guts out after drinking all night! I don't remember either of them telling you everything was gonna be all right when the county wanted to kick your family out of your house! You better remember who your real friends are, poor boy! You better remember fast, or you're gonna regret it…"

Kenny tried to ignore Cartman, but the words tore through him anyway. Was he doing the right thing? Was this really what he should be doing? He took a deep breath, wrapping his arms around himself.

No. It had been all or nothing. He'd taken that step. He'd made his choice.

There was no turning back now.


	8. Blood

Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: There comes a point in the world where new ideas are pretty much impossible to come by. At that point in time, it no longer becomes a matter of thinking up new ideas, but taking ideas that are old, but good, and writing them in such a way that they seem new to the reader.

I can't claim that I can do such a thing, because I can't. But I sure can try.

A piece of poetry instead of a song this time. This fits much better this time around. BYRON! READ HIM! LOVE HIM!

The rats have a mythology... and I can't write hypoglycemic scenes.

OH. Just because. I've seen other people with those A/N's that said that if they won't get _n_ amount of reviews, they won't update. And I was all, hmmmm... and I'm all like, nah... BUT hey, 3 reviews sounds nice. :) But I'll be updating in a few days anyways. It just sounds nice.

P.S.: The spiral just got tighter…

* * *

_**Stanzas for Music**_

_5  
Oh could I feel as I have felt --- or be what I have been,  
Or weep as I could once have wept, o'er many a vanished  
scene:  
As springs in deserts found seem sweet, all brackish  
though they be,  
So midst the wither'd waste of life, those tears would flow  
to me._

_Lord Byron_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

A lone rat pulled itself up onto the bed, climbing the worn and stained covers. It hesitated at the edge, sniffing the air curiously, then crept forward towards the figure sitting at the head of the bed. The sickeningly-sweet smell coming from it beckoned the rat forward, and it couldn't resist. The creature crept closer, stopping every few steps to look around with shiny, black eyes. A half-wet copper stain on the covers caught its attention, and it stopped to touch its tongue to the redness a few times before moving on. Five, six hesitant steps forward, and suddenly it was lifted high off the bed and into the air. It squirmed and struggled in the tight grip that held it, its little paws scrabbling. It hissed, about to bite the fingers that clutched it, but its nose caught a whiff of scent coming from the person to whom the hands belonged. It calmed down instantly, held in the hands of its _god_, refraining from twitching even when the shaky hand rubbed its fur the wrong way. A moment later it found itself set on the floor. Blinking its bright eyes, it looked longingly at the shape at the head of the bed, but turned and skittered back to its hole. Anything under the protection of the _god_ was off-limits to all rats.

Kenny watched as the rat made its way back to the hole between the floorboards thoughtfully, then turned back to stare nervously at the person on his bed. Kyle looked a mess. Considering that it was well past 10 at night, it was a sure bet that whatever had happened was long past, but Kyle had just appeared at his house fifteen minutes ago, and entered through the front door, no less. Now he sat on the bed, eyes glazed over and staring at some point on the covers.

A bruise darkened the left side of his face, and his nose had obviously been bleeding. The blood was still there, dried around his lips and down his chin. Broken skin over his eye was scabbed over, but still bleeding, and the red trail dripped along his eyelid and down the corner of his eye, making him look like he was crying blood. His hands were twitching spasmodically on the covers, and his body was varying between slightly shuddering to full out violent shaking.

"Kyle?" Kenny ventured, leaning towards the other boy and trying to look into his eyes. "Kyle, you're fucking shaking like crazy… that's not good, right?"

The redhead lifted his gaze to Kenny, and tried to focus on him with what looked like incredible strain. He swallowed, clutching onto the covers as he tried to control his shaking.

"G-got crackers? Or…or c-cereal… c-can of soda, may-maybe…" Kyle stuttered, shuddering violently again. He closed his eyes, taking a shuddering breath. "F-f-uck…"

"Yeah, yeah… I'll be right back…" Kenny got off the bed, looking at Kyle worriedly as he made his way out the bedroom door.

Downstairs, he scanned the kitchen quickly, thinking of where the food could be hiding, and hoping his brother hadn't gone on another binge. He searched through a few cupboards, finally finding a half-full box of cheerios in the back corner of one. He started back towards the stairs, then stopped, thinking. Turning back, he ducked down and dug through a bottom cupboard, tossing aside empty boxes until he came to the item he'd hidden there a few days ago, a lone can of coke that he'd rocked out of an old vending machine at the auto shop. He grabbed it and headed up the stairs quickly.

Entering his bedroom, he hurried to Kyle's side. The boy hadn't moved since Kenny left, still laying back against the wall, although his shaking seemed to be getting worse. Kenny sat down next to him, opening the box of cereal and putting it in his lap. He waited with the soda; there was a good chance that if he gave it to him the boy would end up spilling most of it before he drank any.

Kyle snapped out of his daze with a jerk, gazing around wildly. Kenny placed a hand on his shoulder, and the redhead almost fell over as he turned around. He looked at Kenny for a moment, then turned his gaze down to the box of cereal in his lap, staring at it for a long time. Kenny bit his lip, growing more nervous. He hadn't been sure if the cereal would do, but there wasn't much else in the house.

"…It's g-good…" Kyle muttered, sticking a shaking hand into the box. Slowly, methodically, he began eating the cereal, piece after piece. They sat in silence for a while, the only sound that of the crinkling of the bag in the cereal box. Minutes passed, and it was a good half hour before Kyle's shakes had finally abated. He continued eating the cereal slowly, as if he didn't even realize he still had it in front of him.

"Kyle?" Kenny asked quietly, but the redhead didn't seem to hear him. "Kyle? Hey, you still there dude?"

"It's all gone dark." Kyle muttered, staring off at the distance.

"What?" Kenny looked around his room; sure, it was a little gloomy what with only one lamp in it, but it wasn't entirely dark.

"Everything. I thought things could be different, but I guess they can't…" Kyle continued, voice emotionless. His eyes, though no longer glazed over, were still dull, and the cut over his eye was still bleeding steadily. "Nothing's the way it should be… No one understands, no one wants to listen… No one except you…"  
Kyle turned his gaze to Kenny, and the blond boy held back a shudder. His face was pale, so pale his usually non-existent freckles stood out darkly on his skin. His green eyes were lifeless, and with the blood on his face, he could pass for a living corpse.

"Kyle… what're you saying, dude? Things… things can get better…" Kenny said, eyeing his friend warily. The redhead didn't blink, but continued looking at him with those dead eyes.

"No they can't. Not anymore…" Kyle breathed, turning his eyes to the ceiling. "Don't you see it, Kenny? The darkness, the cloud that's hanging over everything and turning everything to shit? Don't you? It's right there, right above us…"

Kenny glanced up at the ceiling, half-expecting this dooming cloud to appear, but he could see nothing other than the cracks running through the chipping paint. Kyle started murmuring something below his breath, and Kenny looked at him from the corner of his eye. He seemed delirious, and Kenny could only make out a few words; "darkness", "feel", "oblivion". Even the rest of it, incomprehensible though it was, sounded just as bleak.

"Kyle, come on… it's not that bad…" Kenny said, reaching a hand across the boy's shoulders and trying to comfort him somehow.

"…they don't understand Kenny… no one understands…" Kyle murmured, unconsciously leaning into the blond. His eyes were half-closed, but they were still staring up at something that Kenny couldn't see. "Why won't they understand me Kenny? Why? Is what I want so bad? Is it wrong?"

"Dude, of course it isn't…" Kenny said, "Look, they're just not used to the idea yet. They just need to, you know, calm down… They'll come around eventually. Fuck, they can't not understand forever, right?"

Kyle stayed silent for a long while, staring up at the ceiling. A wind picked up beyond the window, and the higher branches of the tree began rapping against the sides of the house. The wind whistled through the holes around the window frame, eerie in the otherwise quiet of the house. Kyle let out a long sigh finally, and slipped lower onto the bed. Curling up tightly, with his head resting against Kenny's side, he closed his eyes.

"Thanks, Kenny… thanks for…" Kyle whispered, "Just… thanks…"

Kenny smiled down at him sadly, patting him on the shoulder. He couldn't shake the feeling that was creeping over him. There was a wrongness in this, a wrongness in everything that's been happening lately. He couldn't help feeling as if there were cracks appearing in the world.

He couldn't help feeling as if he'd just told a lie, a lie that would only turn those cracks into canyons.


	9. Spiral Slide

-1Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: JEEZ LU-EEEZ. Sorry. I was gonna wait with this update, but I couldn't. COULDN'T.  
OH GODS. Uhhhhh…. Seeee, this is the kind of stuff I want to be writing. Yeah. Stuff like this totally makes me a happy little girl. DUDE.

* * *

_**The Conqueror Worm**  
(stanza 5)_

_Out--out are the lights--out all!  
And over each quivering form  
The curtain, a funeral pall,  
Comes down with the rush of a storm,   
While the angels, all pallid and wan,  
Uprising, unveiling, affirm  
That the play is the tragedy, Man,''  
And the hero, the Conqueror Worm._

_  
Edgar Allen Poe_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

The wind blew harshly, throwing snow across the street and whipping the flakes in the air into a frenzy. Visibility really wasn't that bad considering the circumstances, but drifts had appeared in random places along the road, making getting anywhere on foot a hazard.

Breath puffing out in white clouds in front of him, Kenny raced as best he could. The wind buffeted him from side to side, and every now and then a strong blast of icy air hit him so hard he was forced to stop so he wouldn't get blown away. His teeth were chattering, and icy snow caked his hood, shoulders, and the entire front of his jacket. He cursed colorfully, tripping over a snow drift and falling into the wall of a nearby building. He shook his head, gritting his teeth and pushed forward again, his thoughts whirling fitfully in his head.

_This isn't happening. This isn't happening. It did NOT happen… DID NOT DID NOT DID NOT…_

He lurched around a corner, glancing around quickly. Finally, he was on the right street. Hunching his shoulders against the wind, he trudged his way down the street, moving faster in the moments when the wind died. He cut through the front lawn of a familiar house, and stopped in front of the door. Reaching out his hand, he barely managed to brush the doorbell when a strong gust of wind pushed him onto the door. To his surprise, it opened, and he had move quick to catch it before it slammed into the wall. Closing it behind him with difficulty, he leaned back, gasping for breath, and took a look around.

The house was dark inside. Nearby, a few framed paintings on the entrance-hallway wall were tilted haphazardly. A noise up ahead caught his attention, and his breath caught as he tried to hear better. It sounded as if someone where pulling something across the floor. Quietly, so as to make as little noise as possible, he stepped through the hall and up to the doorway that led into the living room. He peeked inside, the noise louder, and saw a small shape moving around in it. He frowned, speaking before thinking.

"Ike? That you?" His voice startled the boy, who jumped behind the couch before peering nervously from behind it.

"Oh, Kenny… What… what are doing here?" Ike squeaked. Kenny raised an eyebrow; the kid never squeaked, not even when he'd been little.

"How about you? Shouldn't you be in school?" Kenny asked, confused. It was one o'clock on a Thursday, and he was sure schools in South Park were in session… all two of them. The smaller boy stepped out from behind the couch, and sat down on it, looking on the ground.

"I didn't feel good this morning, so mom made me stay home." Ike said, fidgeting slightly. Kenny squinted through the dark, then sighed and moved towards the light switch.

"You know, you should really turn the lights on. It's dark enough with the storm outside." Kenny said, reaching out to flip the switch. Ike jumped up suddenly.

"No, wait!" The boy cried out, but too late.

Kenny stared at the scene in front of him. In the darkness, everything seemed to have been fine, in its place. Now, everything that the dark had hidden came into full view. Photographs from the mantle had been, apparently, thrown onto the ground, and bits of broken glass lay scattered on the floor. The decorative pillows that had once decorated the couch and love seat were thrown about the room, and one had even landed in the fireplace. The grate from the fireplace was nowhere to be found. The coffee table stood with one end touching the couch and the other nearly touching the tv stand.

Kenny thought there might be more damage, but his head found it hard to get itself around what it could see. He gaped at the room, backing away slowly until he hit a wall. And then he gaped some more. Ike shifted from foot to foot, looking around nervously.

"_Jesus fucking christ!_" Kenny breathed, then turned his gaze to the black-haired boy. "Ike, is the rest of the house like this?!"

"Well… not really.. But Kenny, it's just…" Ike seemed to be searching for some sort of excuse, but Kenny shook his head and advanced toward him, locking gazes.

"Ike, what the hell happened here?" Kenny asked, looking into the smaller boy's dark eyes.

"N-nothing…" Ike whispered, looking at the floor. Kenny reached out a hand and lifted the boy's chin so he could see his eyes again.

"Ike. I know this had something to do with Kyle. What happened? Tell me!" Kenny said forcefully, and the smaller boy bit his lip nervously.

"B-but…all right… Just, let me sit down…" Ike said, and moved over to the couch. Kenny sat on the coffee table, facing him. "I stayed home because I wasn't feeling good. Kyle went to school without breakfast and without talking to anyone, like he usually does now. Mom left a little later for some sort of campaign or something, and left me alone. A… a half hour ago, or something like that, I heard the door open. I went downstairs cuz I thought it was my mom, and I was gonna complain that she hadn't left me anything to eat… but…"

Ike stopped there, his hands fidgeting slightly on the couch fabric.

"But…?" Kenny urged after a moment. He was feeling fidgety himself, and he was still slightly shaking from the cold. The wetness of melting snow and ice that was seeping through his jacket and hood didn't help. Besides, he wanted to know. No, he _needed_ to know.

"But, it wasn't…" Ike's voice dropped a little, and he turned scared eyes to the older boy. "It… it was Kyle. He looked… he looked mad, real mad. He didn't notice me at first, even though I called his name, just kept muttering something about walls and boundaries and shackles. He was muttering a lot about shackles, and glaring at everything. Then, suddenly, he just went… he just went _crazy_. I.. I don't know, I don't know what happened!"  
The boy was starting to shake, and his eyes were scared, desperate, as they looked at Kenny.

"He came into the living room, and as soon as he saw the pictures… on, on the mantle, he… just snapped… He threw the pictures down onto the floor, and he just started throwing everything around. And I couldn't stop him, I kept trying to call to him, I tried…" Tears were beginning to flow down the boy's cheeks, and his voice was growing shaky. "I tried. But he didn't listen, like he couldn't.. couldn't hear me… And he was screaming stuff, but I couldn't… couldn't understand. I just wanted him to stop, I just wanted him to calm down…"

Ike was sobbing now, and had wrapped his arms around himself. Kenny reached out a comforting hand to pat at the boy's shoulders, but it didn't seem to help. His own mind was still whirling with what he'd just heard, and trying to make sense of it.

"Don't worry… come on, it'll be all right. He just got pissed, that's all…" Kenny murmured soothingly, but the dark-haired boy shook his head.

"No! No, that wasn't the worst…" Ike moaned, covering his face in his hands. His voice came out muffled, but still comprehensible. "He finally saw me, after a few minutes. And he… he just got _sad_, his eyes… everything, he just looked so _sad_… and he came up to me, and he hugged me… and… and he said "Don't let them ruin you too, Ike! Don't let them shackle you like an animal… be yourself!"…. and he kept saying it over and over, and I tried to talk to him, but that's all he was saying…"

Ike rubbed his face, taking a shaky breath.

"And I was scared… I don't know why he was saying that…" Ike continued quietly. "Then, the phone started ringing. He didn't move, like he didn't hear it… maybe he didn't… and I couldn't move cuz he was still hugging me, and real tight too… and then the back door opened. I heard my mom answer the phone, and there was silence for a long time, except for Kyle, who was still saying everything except he was really quiet now. Then I saw my mom step into the doorway… and… and she called his name, and started asking about why he hit a teacher… and…"

"… and everything blew up?" Kenny supplied. The younger boy shuddered, taking a sobbing breath.

"He… he called her…he called our mom a…" Ike swallowed. "A lot of bad things. And she tried to say something to him, but he left the house and slammed the door. And… and she followed him…and…"  
Ike shrugged, fresh tears leaking out from the corners of his eyes. Kenny looked at him for a long moment, long enough that the smaller boy started fidgeting again.

"Fuck." Kenny breathed, reaching up to rub his temples. "Fuck. When did this all go wrong…"

"I… I need a tissue…" Ike muttered, rising from the couch. He started walking away, but Kenny reached out a hand to stop him.

"Wait…" The blond-haired boy eyed Ike's light blue shirt critically, then pulled the boy closer. He peered closely at a few dark spots on the fabric. "Your shirt's dirty…"  
"It is? Maybe… when I was moving stuff…" Ike said, sniffling, and wiping a hand across his nose. Kenny wasn't so sure, and touched one of the larger spots with a finger.

It came away stained red.

Kenny stared at it for a moment, then turned the younger boy around to look at the other side of the shirt. Dark spots were there too, and Kenny felt a shudder run through him.

"What is it?" Ike asked nervously, but Kenny shook his head.

"Don't worry about it…" He muttered, clenching his fist. "I… I gotta go…"

He stood up quickly, nearly knocking into the younger boy. Ike watched him move towards the front door with wide eyes.

"You… you know, I think…" Ike started, then hesitated. Kenny looked back at him, and even though the younger boy glanced somewhere else, he continued, his voice dropping to a whisper, "I think Kyle's… I think he's going a little… crazy…"

"No." Kenny said quickly, then gritted his teeth. The younger boy turned dark eyes to him, but even though those eyes were scared, there was also a horrible sort of certainty in them. Kenny turned away, forcing himself to keep from thinking like that. "No, that's… that's just stupid… I'm going now."

And the blonde left before the boy could say anymore, and cause him to face his growing fears.

Closing the door behind him, Kenny took off into the snow-storm again. He took another look at his stained finger - _blood_, his mind screamed - then squeezed his fist shut again and hurried on. There weren't many places to look, he thought. I have to find him somewhere… But try as he might, no matter where he went, he couldn't find a trace of his friend.

Admitting defeat, and filled to the brim with despair and fear, he stumbled into his home and passed out on his bed.

* * *

"I just don't know anymore, Kenny… I just don't know what to do anymore…" Kyle shook his head, his voice low and quiet, and much too calm for someone who was in his place. The scissors in his hands moved rhythmically, snickt-snickt, and more cuts appeared in his grey-green shirt. "I just don't know…"

Kenny stared hard at his friend, breath coming fast. He watched as Kyle continued adding to the cuts in his shirt, a shirt whose lower half was already in tatters. He grimaced when a new trickle of red started down Kyle's half-exposed stomach. It meandered down his skin, adding to the stains already darkening the shirt. Kyle seemed unaware of this fact, continuing to cut at his shirt as he repeated his monologue.

Kenny grunted with the strain of not reaching out and ripping those scissors out of his grasp. His own sleeves were ripped and stained, and his skin itched where cuts were just starting to scab over. Kyle might seem to be out of his head, but his reflexes had proved to be sharper than ever.

Kenny didn't know how long they'd been sitting there; minutes, hours, _weeks_. He was too scared to turn to look at the clock on his dresser, too afraid that if he did, Kyle would do something even more horrible to himself. He tried to look into his friends dull, glazed eyes, but the boy seemed unaware of anything that was happening around him.

So Kenny sat and watched him, hoping that Kyle would wake up and snap out of it soon. He was scared, no, terrified, of what was happening. Sure, Kyle had been acting a little strange lately. And yeah, he'd been doing some wild things, but this? This just didn't seem right. It didn't seem _real_. And even though he was sitting there, watching him, Kenny felt like he was somewhere else. He felt detached, unable to feel. He was scared, terrified, but he _wasn't_. He didn't know how to feel, just as much as he didn't know what to do.

He found himself wondering if Kyle was doing drugs. Dropping acid, or snorting coke. Hell, he'd even settle for the redhead to be found huffing aerosol cans, anything to provide an explanation to his behavior. Anything that he could _fix_. He felt sick inside, and there was a sour taste in his mouth. He didn't understand where this had come from. Last night he'd been comforting his friend after he'd gotten into a fight and gotten depressed. Tonight, he was watching said friend detach himself from reality and cut himself, badly.

His mind flickered back to what Ike had said to him:  
_I think he's going a little… crazy…_

Fuck. Kyle was not going crazy.

He wasn't even going off the deep end.

He was ten feet below and free diving. Fast.

Kenny shuddered, trying to focus on what was in front of him. Kyle had stopped cutting at his shirt, the edges of the scissors glistening red in the lamp-light. He'd also stopped talking, and instead had taken to staring at the covers blankly. Realizing that this could be the only chance he got to take those scissors away, Kenny moved. Slowly, so that he wouldn't startle Kyle, he reached out his hand and closed his fingers around the mid-part of the scissors. Gently, he pried Kyle's fingers loose and pulled the scissors out of his slackened grasp. The redhead didn't seem to notice the lack, and Kenny tossed the scissors under his bed, all the while keeping his gaze on his friend.

Kyle seemed done for the night, slumped against the wall as he was. After watching him a moment longer, Kenny shifted his position and moved to help the boy lay down on the bed. Getting him down on the bed was the easy part, and after trying for a while to straighten Kyle's legs and body out, Kenny gave up and let the boy stay half-curled and half-twisted. It didn't seem to be bothering him much, anyway. He frowned when he saw the blood on Kyle's stomach reroute and start flowing down to stain the covers, and decided that he should do something, maybe put some bandages on them or something. If they had any, that is.

Waiting until Kyle's eyes drifted closed, and his breathing grew slow and steady, Kenny finally got up off the bed and headed out to the bathroom. The TV was going downstairs, and even though the volume was pumped up, he could still hear his father's drunken snores grating in the air. He shook his head, flattening himself to the wall as Kevin made his way past. He still got a shove from the older boy, even though he hadn't been in the way. He glared after his brother, but it was a half-hearted glare, as his mind was focused on other things.

In the bathroom Kenny started rifling through the drawers. This seemed to be the only room in the house that wasn't anywhere near empty. Miscellaneous junk cluttered each drawer, and there were bathroom cleaners under the sink that he remembered from when he was 5. He pulled open the last drawer, pulling out a box of alcohol swabs (where'd they get those from?) and some old toothbrushes. Sighing, he was about to put everything back when he noticed a glint in the back of the drawer. Curious, he reached in and pulled out the object.

Finally seeing what it was, Kenny grimaced. A knife. Of course. Another of his stupid brother's knives. This one, however, seemed familiar to him, and although he was tempted to toss it back in the drawer, he didn't.

Hmm.

Oh.

Yeah, this was the knife that Kyle had used a few weeks ago to butcher his hair. That's right. Kenny sighed again, really about to toss the knife back into the drawer, when something else about the knife caught his eye.

He squinted, the only light being that from the hallway behind him, then cursed himself. Standing up, he flipped the switch on the wall that turned on the lone bulb on the ceiling. There, now he could see again.

Eyeing the knife's blade again, he felt the bile rise in his throat.

The blade itself was clean, _too clean_, especially for a knife that supposedly spent its life laying around in a cluttered drawer. And there, at the edge where the blade entered the wood of the handle, the thing that had caught his eye. A stain, a rust-red stain, right in the crevice between blade and wood. And the wood itself was slightly discolored. Kenny closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself. Slowly, methodically, he put everything, including the knife, back in the drawer. After he was done, he left the bathroom and headed for his room, this time not dodging Kevin as he walked back from the stairs.

"Move it, dick," Kevin grunted, trying to shove his way past the smaller blonde, but Kenny grabbed him by the wrist, twisting his arm around so he could see it. "Fucker, leggo!"

Kevin pulled his arm out of his brother's grip, and pushed him into the wall extra hard in retaliation, but Kenny didn't really notice it.

_He's clean_.

Entering his room, the blond gazed around almost fearfully, but nothing moved. He closed the door behind him, muffling the shouts from the TV downstairs, and stepped slowly to the bed. His breathing grew faster, and ragged, with each step he took, and each time he set his foot down he was more reluctant to lift it.

After what seemed an eternity, he reached the edge of his bed. Kyle lay as he'd left him, twisted and curled around himself, his breathing so still that, for a moment, Kenny thought he'd died on him.

In a moment of slight panic, Kenny kneeled on his bed, reaching a shaking hand to Kyle's neck. Eyes wide, he grew more and more scared as seconds passed, but then he felt the twitch of blood beneath his fingers. Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd held, he gazed down at his friend for a long moment, unsure. Unsure. But he had to know.

Kyle's shirt had long sleeves, but that didn't mean much. Winter was really coming, and temperatures were dropping. Everyone was wearing long sleeves now. Kenny's fingers twitched, and he clenched his fists in the covers. A moment later he was wiping sweat off his forehead.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he reached out a hand to Kyle and lifted the arm closest to him.

His fingers pinched the edge of the shirtsleeve, and slowly, unwillingly he pulled it back.

A moment, and he let Kyle's arm fall from his hands.

He was suffocating. The sick feeling inside of him was growing too big for him to hold in. His world was spinning, and he closed his eyes, but that only made the vertigo worse, and his eyelids snapped open again. He wanted to whimper, he wanted to cry out, but he clasped his hands over his mouth, eyes looking desperately around his room for an explanation, an answer. Anything, anything to help him. He couldn't understand. He just hadn't… he hadn't…

Oh. Oh fuck.

He hadn't seen…

_FUCK._

What else?

What else had he missed?


	10. Need

-1Disclaimer: South Park and all its characters is copyright Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and whoever else owns it or whatever. That means, not me.

Authors Notes: Uh… we get somewhere?

* * *

_I have this feeling inside  
That I wouldn't like me if I met me  
It seems like a losing fight  
If you can see it through my eyes then you'd believe me_

_The truth is that I'm overrated  
I can't think straight, I'm formulaic  
The truth is that it's sad to say it  
But you can't help me_

_You, you don't see me that way  
You hear the words that I say  
You just tell me my heart's in the right place  
It's the world that's confused  
And it's never too late to save a hopeless case_

_I've always known a ghost like me  
Can disappear in a moment  
I'm my worst casualty  
Anything I touch can get broken_

_The truth is that I'm self-destructive  
I'm insecure, I'm out of focus  
The truth is that I've had enough  
But you still help me_

_You, you don't see me that way  
You hear the words that I say  
You just tell me my heart's in the right place  
It's the world that's confused  
And it's never too late to save a hopeless case_

_You're giving me perspective  
It's better than mine  
And I'll still be defective  
And you're wasting your time_

_The truth is that I'm self-destructive  
I'm insecure, I'm out of focus  
The truth is that I've had enough  
But you still help me_

_You, you don't see me that way  
You hear the words that I say  
You just tell me my heart's in the right place  
It's the world that's confused  
And it's never too late to save a hopeless case_

_  
"Hopeless Case" Less Than Jake_

* * *

Title: The Spiral Clause

Author: Zoshi the Confused  
Rating: PG-13 to M (eventually)  
Category: South Park

Genre: Angst/Psychological

Contains: (or will contain) Violence, Adult Situations, Swearing, Psychological Trauma

* * *

The snow had gathered in a deep drift this side of the house. Half the wall was covered in white, and the back door wouldn't open no matter how hard it was pushed. The bottom two steps were mostly clear of snow, and it was here that Kenny was sitting, shaking slightly, holding Kyle's sleeve with an iron grip. The red-haired boy was staring down at the ground, hands clenched around each other so tight his knuckles were white.

"Kyle… Kyle, there's something wrong…" Kenny started again, desperately. He could feel Kyle's arm shaking beneath the sleeve of the sweatshirt he'd loaned him.

"There's nothing fucking wrong, Kenny…" Kyle's voice came out in a half-growl, accompanied by an irritated burst of air that puffed out white in front of him. He didn't look at Kenny.

"There is, Kyle, fuck… You have to see…" Kenny pleaded. Didn't Kyle see what was happening? Didn't he realize just how bad this all was? "Kyle, you're-"

"I'm _nothing_, Kenny, allright? I'm _fine._" Kyle really growled this time, and jerked his arm out of Kenny's grip. The blonde grabbed it again, holding it with two hands now.

"You're not fine, Kyle! Don't you get it yet? Don't you see what you're doing?" Kenny tightened his grip, aware that he was probably causing him pain but not caring. He didn't want to think what would happen if Kyle got away from him, if Kyle went somewhere and… and did _that_ again… what if it ended up worse this time? What if there was no one around?

"Shut up Kenny! I can deal with this…" Kyle tried to pull his arm out of Kenny's grasp again, but didn't succeed.

"No you can't, Kyle! What you're doing isn't dealing, don't you understand?" Kenny pulled the other boy closer, willing him to listen. "You can't keep doing this to yourself.

"Fuck, Kenny, just try, just _try_ and tell me you never felt like this too?!" Kyle turned to him then, green eyes blazing, and Kenny paled. His fingers twitched slightly in the thick material of the sweatshirt.

"…ngh…not… not like… not this much…" He felt his edge slipping a little, and frowned. "Dammit, that doesn't make it _right_, tho… That doesn't mean you should actually do it…"

"Like you fucking know anything that's going on!" Kyle yelled, pushing at the blond. Kenny didn't let go of his hold, and they both almost ended up on the ground.

"I would, if you'd only tell me! Fuck, you'd always sit there and talk about all kinds of shit but you'd never tell me what the fuck was bothering you! How the hell am I supposed to help if I don't know what the fuck is going on?!" Kenny yelled back, jerking on Kyle's arm. The redhead winced, putting a hand to Kenny's before he could stop himself.

"Kenny… let go…" Kyle said, in a voice that was both quieter and calmer than any he'd been using that morning. "Kenny…"  
"No… no, fuck, I don't care if it hurts… maybe if it hurts more you'll realize just how stupid this shit is…" Kenny said through gritted teeth. Kyle's hand tightened on his own.

"Kenny…" He started, but the blond cut him off.

"No, Kyle. Shit, do you understand what you're doing? Do you know what the fuck you're doing to yourself? Do you?" Kenny said, leaning over a little. "Do you know how fucking scared I was last night? Do you?"

Kenny felt Kyle shudder at that, his hand tightening over the blond's convulsively.

"Do you Kyle? Do you know…" Kenny's voice faded as he caught Kyle's eyes. They looked panicky, shifty, and his breath was coming quickly, in short bursts. Kenny frowned, "Kyle? Do you remember what happened last night? 'Cause… "cause you didn't… didn't say anything about it, or anything…"

Kyle looked away quickly, trying to pull his arm out of Kenny's hold. His effort was weak, and he was shaking, really shaking now. He edged away along the step, but Kenny pulled him back.

"Kyle, what is it? Kyle?" Kenny's voice hit a higher pitch. "Kyle?"

"Sometimes….sometimes, when… when I feel really bad…" Kyle's voice shook as he spoke, his hand tight around Kenny's. "Sometimes, I can't get to sleep, even though I'm really… really tired, and… then, then I lose time… whole hours… hours where I know I do things, but I don't know what… fuck… I-I … I don't know why… Kenny… I don't know why it happens…."

Kenny stared at him for a long moment, slowly processing what he'd just said. Slowly, because he wanted to be sure he understood. This meant Kyle had no idea what happened last night. And it had happened other times too.

"Kyle…" Kenny started, but the redhaired boy shook his head. "Kyle…"

"No…" Kyle moaned softly, closing his eyes tight.

"Kyle… that's wrong, Kyle…" Kenny said. "Kyle, that's not supposed to be happening…"

"No, no… I'm fine, I'm all right…" Kyle repeated those words desperately. "I'm all right…"

"You're not all right, Kyle…" Kenny's voice cracked as he said those words; could he have ever expected a scene like this?

"I'm all right, there's nothing wrong… nothing's wrong…" Kyle was shaking his head, trying to pry Kenny's hands off his arm. "I'm fine, I'm fine…"

"No, Kyle, you're not fine." Kenny said, trying to make his voice firm. "You're not okay. Kyle, you need he-"

"NO! No, shut up shut up shut up…" Kyle's efforts at prying Kenny's finger's off magnified, and the blond almost lost his grip.

"No, Kyle! You have to understand! This isn't right!" Kenny said, fixing his grip on Kyle's arm. The other boy tried to push him away again, but Kenny held his ground. "This isn't right!"

"I'm fine, I'm totally fine!" Kyle cried out, "I can deal with this, I'm all right! I don't need anyone, I don't need anything…"

"Kyle…" Kenny said softly, and the redhead broke off with a choking sob. "Kyle, you need help."

"No…" Kyle moaned, shaking his head, but he was sagging in his seat now, head hanging loosely. "…no…"

"You do, Kyle…" Kenny said, feeling safe enough now to loose his hold on Kyle's arm. He draped one arm around the other boy's shoulders and pulled him into a one-armed hold. Kyle leaned against him heavily, body shaking with withheld sobs. "You need help."

"No…" Kyle whispered, voice thick, and attempted to curl up, his face buried in Kenny's shirt. "No… I just need _him_…"

* * *

E/N: This chap is short, but its something. Anyways, this was based on certain events that have happened to me. I've never been this depressed, but a close family member was, and while they didn't injure themselves, they acted a lot like how I make Kyle act in this chapter. Its scary as hell, and I hope no one else has to either go through something like this, or has to watch someone they love go through it, because it honestly kills you inside. 


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